Two weeks in America and this is my heart ATM.

So, I'm looking to connect with the Lord right now by telling you about what's been going on in my heart. 

I loved Africa so much. From the moment I got into Africa, I was already thinking about the next time I would go. It was hard though because at the end of my time in Africa I was ready to go home. Badly.

Being back in the states has been so interesting. With these huge prospects of moving across the country to PA and the dealings that go with that. My heart has been the biggest issue. Everyone is asking how its all coming along and my answer right now is that the preparations have been in my heart. None of the finances that I need to move to PA have come in. My first week back in the states, I tried to spend a lot of time seeing people. My second week I've been trying to see God and what He is doing. 

But I haven't fully been seeing Him! Jesus is so funny though, only to show us so much, because He wants to draw us deeper into Himself. 

I'll be honest with you, I've been battling a lot of disappointment and discouragement. While I was in Africa and trying to figure out what I was going to do when I got back, my heart totally rested in peace knowing that the will of God was for me to go to Harrisburg, PA to do Global Celebrations Supernatural School of Ministry. And I thought I would be back in the country for a week and packing up my life to move. But Jesus has kept me still. He's been preparing my heart, purging it with the fire and the dross/impurities have been coming to the surface for Him to cleanse me. 

It's so kind of Him. Because that has been my biggest prayer. 

Romans 12:1-3 Message 

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life- your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life- and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. you'll be changed from the inside out. readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. 

Romans 12:1-2 NIV

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.  Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I just love worshiping God. From the moment I truly gave my life to Jesus, I had the instant revelation that my purpose in life was to worship Him. I knew that when I worshiped Him I was coming into alignment with my reason for existence. 

People ask me all the time what was something that I learned in Africa... My hearts first answer is to pursue holiness. To be holy as the Lord is holy. To live a life of holy obedience to the Lord because that is greater than any sacrifice. I want to be transformed and conformed into the image of Christ. More than anything. I want to live a life of worship unto Him. And according to Romans 12:2, true worship is being a living holy and pleasing to God, offering Him my body as a conduit of His Spirit. I want my mind renewed that I may be able to test and approve what God's will is, His good and pleasing and perfect will. 

This is just Romans 12. That's only 2 verses from Romans 12. I could go on for hours... 

So, ergo, I am grateful that the Lord is working on my heart. Because Jesus cares about who I am more than what I do. Jesus wants me to have good character not just good works. Jesus wants me to look like Him because that's what I was made for. 

I don't know if I digress, but, anyway. I want to look like Jesus. 

Since being back, Jesus has been working on my heart. When I was in Africa, I had 3 different offers to be an au pair in France, one for a family who owns their own plane. Just saying. (French is a minor of mine at university and I had several dreams of ministering in France.) I also felt a strong desire to want to return to Mozambique to staff the next missions school. And then I was also thinking about being back in my Chicagoland and doing ministry in my home. It was TORMENT to think about doing anything but going to Harrisburg. Harrisburg was the only choice that gave me ABUNDANT peace. So, it has been an interesting place, waiting for the Lord to move on this promise I believe He has made to me about moving to Harrisburg, and not seeing a manifestation in the physical. But feeling the manifestation of His hands in my heart. 

I just rejoice in Him. Because I still feel, even though I should be in Harrisburg already going to the first day of school tomorrow, Monday September 9th, peace. I still feel peace. I still know that I'm going. And I'm really grateful for the extra time that I've had hear at home. I'm so grateful the Lord is continuing to cleanse my heart of all that isn't of Him. 

It is painful to see the wrong motives of your heart come to the surface and things in your heart that are just not pretty... It's hard to see that, but its so good to know that Jesus cares so much about everything in us, He so desires us to be pure before Him. Hebrews 10:14 For by one sacrifice he (Jesus) has made perfect those who are being made holy. 

AHHHH I WANT TO BE HOLY. O to be fully pleasing before God... Colossians 1:10... fully pleasing in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so we may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, WHO HAS QUALIFIED YOU to share in the INHERITANCE of the saints of the Kingdom of Light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. 

And I could just type out the rest of Colossians. 

Hallelujah. 

Beloved, I pray that you would just feel the pleasure of God over you. I just pray that the HOLY Spirit (the Spirit of God could have been known by any name, but He wanted to be known as HOLY- side note) would just touch your heart. Rejoice. Be glad. Don't let your hearts be troubled. 

I say this as my heart has been troubled, but I rejoice in knowing that my God IS Faithful and True. Greater is He who is in me. Great are His promises and they are YES AND AMEN in Him! 2 Corin 1:20. 

I could talk forever....... I love scripture........

Writing this has definitely reminded me of His goodness. Friends,family, beloved ones. Please remember who God is. He is a safe tower. He is the Comforter. Remember who He is. Rejoice in Him, not any circumstances. Even a good circumstance will change. But He is Constant. His word stands forever. 

Jesus is taking me to Harrisburg. I know He is. I trust Him. 

If you feel like you would like to bless me financially, do it. Because the Lord repays those who lend to the poor. Proverbs 19:17. Or let me work for you! Let me do a job for you! I am a hard worker. I work for the Lord!! But this is what I feel God has led me to do in means of asking for provision. Just trusting Him. I so trust Him. You know, I didn't raise any support in going to Africa. I asked no one for money. And roughly just about 8,000 $ came in for me to go to Africa for 3 months. Who is the Lord? He is good. Seek Him. Seek His Kingdom. All things will be added unto you.

So bless you so much for reading all my words. You are so amazing. God is so in love with You. I love you so much. Rejoice with me in the Lord! again I say rejoice! 

YAY.