Hi Beloved,
You are great.
I'm so thankful you're reading this. Or at least beginning to! Hahah. There are LOTS of things I could say... I've been meaning to write sooner but I've had a lot to process. It's been a rough month in my spirit, God has been doing a lot that I don't fully understand but I know that there has been a growth spurt and I'm losing things that don't belong to me. Hallelujah for transformation from glory to glory. I want to be transformed into the image of Christ! Oh how I long for it.
So I quit my job at Starbucks about two weeks ago. I was just struggling. There are a few reasons that I quit. Part of it was that I didn't want to wake up at 5 am anymore and I especially didn't want to wake up that early with school again! Some other situations were happening that I feel allowed a door to step out. The company that owns my licensed Starbucks is offering to transfer me to another position in the company because they do value me as an employee. They own a nice restaurant called Bricco that I am going to try to begin serving at. You could pray for me for that.
Meanwhile, since closing the door at Starbucks, a door opened for me to accept a promotion at Dressbarn as part time assistant manager. So if I'm able to begin serving at the restaurant along with being an assistant manager, I'll be in an easier financial position. Hallelujah. I really felt confirmation from Jesus that I made the right choice of leaving Starbucks and being able to accept the promotion at Dressbarn. Dressbarn has been an amazing company to work for. They totally support my ministry and the call God has put on my life. I'm so thankful for the team I work with. So thankful.
It was a really hard choice in closing the door to Starbucks because I have loved working there. I've made amazing relationships and seen God do amazing things. But I feel like it is really a new season. And a season of rest.
For the past year I've worked the two jobs on average of 45-55 hours a week while going to school. I'm really praying not to have to do that again. It was really hard. And really tiring. God was so good to give me strength, teaching me endurance and growing me in character and patience.
I feel like I haven't had much of a life with working so much. I haven't been able to do ministry like I want to. If I wanted to hang out with people I had to sacrifice sleep. Coming to the end I wasn't happy. Joy and peace I had and deepness with God but I didn't have pleasure getting up for work like I did before. God is way too good to let us endure suffering if we don't have to. I feel like I have suffered a lot this year and God did a lot through that. I'm truly grateful for what God has been doing in me beyond what I can even see. I cried so much this year. And in this new Hebrew calender year, I'm ready for jubilee. I'm ready for rest.
I wish I didn't even have to work a second job as a waitress and work only at Dressbarn but I wouldn't make enough money. I've thought about having people come along side me and support me monthly as a missionary but I don't like asking people for money. Part of the reason I have not written more blogs this summer is because I have been in so much financial need and have not wanted my aching heart to come through like I'm begging. Because I'm not a beggar. I'm a child of God and He provides for me. And I believe Him and I've seen Him come through so much. He has given me so many miracles this year and I am so grateful. And I'm still waiting on another one. Haha.
This past year I have been living in an apartment that is way too expensive for me. But God did it. He provided faithfully every month. I didn't even ask anyone for help. Except once. But the past 2 months He has not provided!! YET. And I don't know why!!! I don't know what He is doing in my heart. But it is so hard and I don't think it should be. I don't think it should be hard to trust God, especially after all He has done for me!!!! Haha What are You doing, Lord????
I feel a lot of what God has been trying to bring to the surface of my heart is some issues with my father. My earthly father has a warrant out for his arrest right now which will put him in jail for the 7th time in the past 18 months. God is so much bigger than this. God is so much bigger than the brokenness of my father. God is so much greater and so much more than you or I can imagine.
My Heavenly Father has been so faithful to me and I have been doubting Him so much. So I am in debt and in desperate need to catch up on my rent....... But why should I fear??? why should I be afraid??? Is God not my provider???? I don't even have to have a job for God to provide. I know that. I don't have to ask for God to provide. HE KNOWS MY NEEDS.
But God cares about my character than anything else. God wants me to be of Godly character. He cares about my heart. He cares about the position of my heart. He cares that I am a good steward. He cares about my transformation into the image of Jesus Christ. I was made to look like Jesus. I was made to bear Good Fruit.
And I'm not saying that I haven't born good fruit. I'm saying God is pruning me because He cares about His vine. He is the Vine Dresser and I am the vine. John 15. I LOVE JOHN 15.
JESUS DO WHAT YOU WILL. JESUS HAVE YOUR WAY WITH ME. JESUS I LOVE YOU.
I just want to go deeper in God. I want to be a better representation of LOVE everyday. If God wants me to work two jobs again and reach the lost that way, may His name be blessed. He will give me strength. He's given me strength to train for a MARATHON! And it's going amazing. I need more. I need more of God. I need Him more. I need Him so much. I love Him so much. I want full revelation on His love and to go deeper in His Word. And this new school year is focused just on that. And I don't even know how I'll do that with working two jobs and training for a marathon. But if God is calling me to it He will take me through it. That's it. He's just that Good. I trust Him. And He will make me trust Him. He will call me out upon the water and I will walk because I will keep my eyes upon HIM!!
I will get to the other side. I will be provided for. I will be given all that I need according to the riches in GLORY in Christ Jesus.
Because that is who He is. He is RICH and He loves Me. Jesus loves Me. My Father loves me. Even if my earthly father doesn't love me and doesn't provide for me. My God does. He is worthy of my life. He is worthy of my praise. I will praise Him when the waters rise and I will praise Him because I know I will not drown. Even if I doubt and am faithless HE IS FAITHFUL. HE WILL BE FAITHFUL TO THE END.
He is mighty to save me.
And I got a new roommate which is FANTASTIC!!! She even brought a table and chairs. I haven't had a table for this entire year!!! WHOOO!!! I'm so excited.
