I've been realizing why James and Paul says take joy in suffering. James 1. Romans 5.
It really does produce perseverance. And endurance. It really does produce character. And God really does pour out hope and His Holy Spirit. Abundantly. I've been having so much joy. So much crazy supernatural Holy Spirit joy.
Today I'm a little sad though.
I think its okay to be sad. God get sad over things. He mourns. His heart hurts over things.
When we suffer, we feel the nearness of Jesus so incredibly. He shows up so beautiful without fail. He never fails to provide for me. It's truly amazing. His presence has been so thick in the midst of the trials and tribulations of the past month that when things get to feel normal, I do almost wish for another just so I can feel the closeness of His presence knowing He's about to perform another miracle in my life.
So many freaking miracles. Someone posted as status on my facebook saying they were encouraged by my faith and to keep walking on water til its the only surface I know how to walk on. AH. Blah blah blah. I don't know if she even knows how deep that statement is to me. Because I know that's the life God is calling me to live. Walking on water.
I've been walking on water now for 3 months and the water just keeps getting deeper. I call out for normalcy and God is making this it.
As long as Jesus keeps showing up. And He always does.....
Gosh my heart is so heavy today. I'm so sad today. It's okay to be sad. I couldn't even go to the gym today, I just wanted lay in bed. AND THATS OKAY. Jesus meets me wherever I go. Whatever I do. He meets me. He says come to me and I will give you rest.
Today, I feel like drowning in His love. Today, I just want to sink into the ocean of His grace. Today. I'm going to be weak because in my weakness He is strong.
And now I've just gotten a call in reference to my student loans. Which is great. Because I didn't finish college. And I don't know when or if I will! HA Jesus. Thanks. If anyone would like to pay my student loans let me know.
Thank You Lord that it's okay to feel the full spectrum of emotions. Thank You Lord that its okay to be weak. I love being weak. Thank You Lord for being EVERYTHING that I need. I need you so desperately God. I am so poor in spirit. I need you so badly. I am so desperate for you. My heart and flesh cry out for you God. Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere. I am so in love with you God. I am so in love with you.
Jesus, bless the readers of these words. Let them feel Your presence. Let them feel your affection for them. I am so thankful for these people who read my words. Thank You Lord.
Amen. lalalala.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Saturday, November 9, 2013
My life is a miracle. Constantly.
Let God be glorified in all I do!!!!!!!! I pray. Jesus' name, Father.
I have been really trying to get into reading the 5 psalms a day and a proverb. I really have been seeking wisdom and understanding. I really want to know the heart of God and understand Him as best as I can.
It's been cool because as I read the Psalms I notice that the psalmists will bring their complaints to God and then they say to Him, answer me and then my soul will again rejoice and be glad.... So its okay to be distressed until the answer comes. I am definitely NOT saying that you must be 'woe is me' until the answer comes, because I'm all about rejoice ALWAYS. But I KNOW you can rejoice with a hurting heart. I know you can declare God's goodness and truth with tears streaming down your face. And how good it is when the answer comes and God rescues you.
So here is a good miracle.
About 2.5 weeks ago when I signed my lease... I realized I didn't have enough money for rent. I had been given in early October a check from an acquaintance for $800 for my first month rent. A MIRACLE. But when it came time for me to sign my lease on October 23rd, I realized that I had to pay for the last week of October and then full rent November 1st. So I was about $115 dollars short. And on top of that I had no money to buy food or anything else until I got paid on November 4th.
(BTW work had been and is still going SO WELL!!! I have so much fun serving up cups of joy and blessing my customers with kind words and compliments! I love working at Starbucks. I love it so much. And I'm praying for MORE of everything God has planned for me there. I also got a second job at clothing store called the Dress Barn. I just started but I know I'm going to love it too.)
So. Me and my roommate both were trying not to stress in the pressure of paying rent... But I had been feeling pretty exhausted from not getting much sleep (still acclimating to waking up at 5am for work). It was a Tuesday we signed the lease and I had class that night and I spent most of the class crying in the lobby. I was so tired. I just wanted my own space. I just wanted my own bed. I didn't want to have to be at the mercy of others. I just wanted to sleeeeeep. And I was so tired of always needing mercy and money and miracles. But God is funny. So I ended up spending that night again at my beloved friend's who had been caring for me... in the morning when I was getting dressed for work.. I found a $100 bill in my pocket.....
The angel of the Lord who put it there (one of my beloved friends) told me that while she was praying for me God had said to her, simply, that 'miracles don't have to be hard'. She said she knew I needed more but it still helped. Amen to that.
So it was definitely a kiss from my Father. So I knew I still needed more and God would provide more. But I had NO IDEA how He was going to do it. So the next few days... I just kind of spent money like I had it. Not a lot. But I'd buy myself lunch or whatever.
That weekend a friend came to visit and on our way to a worship event we stopped at the mall to pray for people. While praying for a lady who wanted financial stability... I heard the Lord say, 'miracles don't have to be hard.' So I passed on the $100 note. I knew that I still needed more so I just believed that an act of obedience is the best thing I could do. And that night was an amazinggg night of worship. Oh man it was good.
So the next day, Saturday, my beloved friend, Jessie who had come to visit me took me to the thrift store and we were able to get a decent amount of essentials for my apartment! She was so sweet to me. And that day a group of us went into the ghetto of Harrisburg (and it is literally ghetto) to pray for people and had a wonderful time being the hands of feet of Jesus and again went to another worship event. We love to worship Jesus. At the worship event my friends who I had stayed with for two weeks showed up with a bag of food for me!!!! Soooo sweet.
And even more still, I was sharing with a friend some of the crazy testimonies I've had been since being here in Harrisburg, like the guy giving me $800 and so many other powerful testimonies. He was just blown away by the provision of God in my life and the radical life of faith I've been living. I told him I was even yet still believing God for my rent in a week. And his face gets serious and he asks me 'how much do you need? like $300?' And I stop and think. I have about $200 now... I need $400 for rent. So $300 would help me survive until I get paid. And so I told him yeah, yeah. And he just looks at me so serious and tells me that the Lord just told him, 'give her $300, give her $300, give her $300.' The presence of God fell so strongly. It is so powerful what an act of obedience can do.
God is so funny. I was totally expecting Him to provide like October 31st. Because, ya know, how God likes to make you wait because He can be slow. But look at that. God was EARLY. What??
So funny that even the next day I had checked my bank balance and realized I spent more money than I intended and realized I'd have to live on even less. But at church, I saw him and he asked if it was really $300 that I needed. I said, yeah, yeah. And he told me that the Lord had really said $350 so he was just going to give me that.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD ALWAYS PROVIDES.
God is gracious and exceeding in all things. He is so merciful. I don't deserve His kindness but He pours it out abundantly.
Even more so. He is SO MERCIFUL. let me tell you...
So, I got paid on November 4th. And. What did I do.... I went to Sephora. It is a make up store. That is of the Lord. I promise. Jesus loves make up. And I had been really needed new foundation and a couple things. And I just bought itt....... not recklessly but just not super prudent. And then after Sephora, I paid my phone bill and realized...... I was back down to having..... nothing. I actually ended up making a couple purchases and over drawing my bank account. I told the Lord I would return the make up but I didn't even know how I was going to get to the store... so just praying and praying for wisdom and mercy and direction...... My grandma is of the Lord and had already been moved by His Spirit and had sent me a card with a check in it.
GOD ALWAYS PROVIDES. And He loves make up. He loves beauty. He really does.
And so I can go on and on about how Good my Father is....... but I'll save it.
There are a lot of miracles I haven't mentioned... I could literally talk to for an hour on what God does in less than a week in my life...
My life is so full of miracles. I am so honored by God that He would choose me to live so under His grace and mercy.
I love being obedient to Him. There is no better way to live. I love Him. I love you too. Let me know how I can pray for you.
Please continue praying for me. Pray that I can have an increased anointing for the prophetic so that I may love more coworkers and be able to speak the words of God into their lives and that they would KNOW Him and give their selves to Him. Pray that I would get deeper in the Word of God and that the Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation would be upon me. Pray that my apartment would be full of beautiful furniture and would be a garden full of fruit.
LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
I have been really trying to get into reading the 5 psalms a day and a proverb. I really have been seeking wisdom and understanding. I really want to know the heart of God and understand Him as best as I can.
It's been cool because as I read the Psalms I notice that the psalmists will bring their complaints to God and then they say to Him, answer me and then my soul will again rejoice and be glad.... So its okay to be distressed until the answer comes. I am definitely NOT saying that you must be 'woe is me' until the answer comes, because I'm all about rejoice ALWAYS. But I KNOW you can rejoice with a hurting heart. I know you can declare God's goodness and truth with tears streaming down your face. And how good it is when the answer comes and God rescues you.
So here is a good miracle.
About 2.5 weeks ago when I signed my lease... I realized I didn't have enough money for rent. I had been given in early October a check from an acquaintance for $800 for my first month rent. A MIRACLE. But when it came time for me to sign my lease on October 23rd, I realized that I had to pay for the last week of October and then full rent November 1st. So I was about $115 dollars short. And on top of that I had no money to buy food or anything else until I got paid on November 4th.
(BTW work had been and is still going SO WELL!!! I have so much fun serving up cups of joy and blessing my customers with kind words and compliments! I love working at Starbucks. I love it so much. And I'm praying for MORE of everything God has planned for me there. I also got a second job at clothing store called the Dress Barn. I just started but I know I'm going to love it too.)
So. Me and my roommate both were trying not to stress in the pressure of paying rent... But I had been feeling pretty exhausted from not getting much sleep (still acclimating to waking up at 5am for work). It was a Tuesday we signed the lease and I had class that night and I spent most of the class crying in the lobby. I was so tired. I just wanted my own space. I just wanted my own bed. I didn't want to have to be at the mercy of others. I just wanted to sleeeeeep. And I was so tired of always needing mercy and money and miracles. But God is funny. So I ended up spending that night again at my beloved friend's who had been caring for me... in the morning when I was getting dressed for work.. I found a $100 bill in my pocket.....
The angel of the Lord who put it there (one of my beloved friends) told me that while she was praying for me God had said to her, simply, that 'miracles don't have to be hard'. She said she knew I needed more but it still helped. Amen to that.
So it was definitely a kiss from my Father. So I knew I still needed more and God would provide more. But I had NO IDEA how He was going to do it. So the next few days... I just kind of spent money like I had it. Not a lot. But I'd buy myself lunch or whatever.
That weekend a friend came to visit and on our way to a worship event we stopped at the mall to pray for people. While praying for a lady who wanted financial stability... I heard the Lord say, 'miracles don't have to be hard.' So I passed on the $100 note. I knew that I still needed more so I just believed that an act of obedience is the best thing I could do. And that night was an amazinggg night of worship. Oh man it was good.
So the next day, Saturday, my beloved friend, Jessie who had come to visit me took me to the thrift store and we were able to get a decent amount of essentials for my apartment! She was so sweet to me. And that day a group of us went into the ghetto of Harrisburg (and it is literally ghetto) to pray for people and had a wonderful time being the hands of feet of Jesus and again went to another worship event. We love to worship Jesus. At the worship event my friends who I had stayed with for two weeks showed up with a bag of food for me!!!! Soooo sweet.
And even more still, I was sharing with a friend some of the crazy testimonies I've had been since being here in Harrisburg, like the guy giving me $800 and so many other powerful testimonies. He was just blown away by the provision of God in my life and the radical life of faith I've been living. I told him I was even yet still believing God for my rent in a week. And his face gets serious and he asks me 'how much do you need? like $300?' And I stop and think. I have about $200 now... I need $400 for rent. So $300 would help me survive until I get paid. And so I told him yeah, yeah. And he just looks at me so serious and tells me that the Lord just told him, 'give her $300, give her $300, give her $300.' The presence of God fell so strongly. It is so powerful what an act of obedience can do.
God is so funny. I was totally expecting Him to provide like October 31st. Because, ya know, how God likes to make you wait because He can be slow. But look at that. God was EARLY. What??
So funny that even the next day I had checked my bank balance and realized I spent more money than I intended and realized I'd have to live on even less. But at church, I saw him and he asked if it was really $300 that I needed. I said, yeah, yeah. And he told me that the Lord had really said $350 so he was just going to give me that.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD ALWAYS PROVIDES.
God is gracious and exceeding in all things. He is so merciful. I don't deserve His kindness but He pours it out abundantly.
Even more so. He is SO MERCIFUL. let me tell you...
So, I got paid on November 4th. And. What did I do.... I went to Sephora. It is a make up store. That is of the Lord. I promise. Jesus loves make up. And I had been really needed new foundation and a couple things. And I just bought itt....... not recklessly but just not super prudent. And then after Sephora, I paid my phone bill and realized...... I was back down to having..... nothing. I actually ended up making a couple purchases and over drawing my bank account. I told the Lord I would return the make up but I didn't even know how I was going to get to the store... so just praying and praying for wisdom and mercy and direction...... My grandma is of the Lord and had already been moved by His Spirit and had sent me a card with a check in it.
GOD ALWAYS PROVIDES. And He loves make up. He loves beauty. He really does.
And so I can go on and on about how Good my Father is....... but I'll save it.
There are a lot of miracles I haven't mentioned... I could literally talk to for an hour on what God does in less than a week in my life...
My life is so full of miracles. I am so honored by God that He would choose me to live so under His grace and mercy.
I love being obedient to Him. There is no better way to live. I love Him. I love you too. Let me know how I can pray for you.
Please continue praying for me. Pray that I can have an increased anointing for the prophetic so that I may love more coworkers and be able to speak the words of God into their lives and that they would KNOW Him and give their selves to Him. Pray that I would get deeper in the Word of God and that the Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation would be upon me. Pray that my apartment would be full of beautiful furniture and would be a garden full of fruit.
LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
MY OWN BED.
Me and Jessie out on the streets!
Starbucks girl
Saturday, November 2, 2013
I still can't fully believe I'm in Harrisburg.
I pinch myself sometimes.
I'm really living in Pennsylvania.
I've signed a lease. I have my own apartment. I HAVE TWO JOBS. And jobs that I asked God for. One in a coffee shop and the other in a clothing store. Yay God.
Haha.
I don't even know what to say. My life is constantly this supernatural journey where I don't know how I'm going to eat one minute to the next I'm feasting in glory.
I do not know the full extent yet of what I'm doing here. Over the past weeks I've been really crying out to God asking Him what am I really doing here?
What do you think I'm doing here? Haha
Homeless for a solid month, hungry from time to time, tired, not fully aware.. but always happy and in peace, knowing God's hand is upon me. Thank the Lord I got a good night sleep last night, had a good breakfast, and am now enjoying a good cup of coffee at a local cafe down the street.
It's cool with my job that I'm really becoming a part of the community. I walk down the street and I see the people I serve coffee to and stop and talk. Which is so fun and I love it sooo much..
I'm really grateful that the church that Global Celebration runs out of has 3 other ministry schools full of young adults that are on fire for Jesus too.. So I have a huge rich church community. It's so awesome. Last weekend I was able to get together with a bunch of people and go out onto the streets praying for people and showing them the love of Christ.. It was amazing. I had so much fun. I'm so grateful for friends that I can do that with. I love sharing the Good News! I am compelled by the Love of God to preach! MUAHAHAHA.
Okay. I don't know what else to say. If you want to send me mail!!!!!!!! Because I have an address... Email me at shootingesther@gmail.com
Love you guys. Talk to me. Keep me in your prayers. Pray for my apartment to be filled with love and life and beautiful furniture.
Grace and peace to you through God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. WHOOP WHOOP.
I'm really living in Pennsylvania.
I've signed a lease. I have my own apartment. I HAVE TWO JOBS. And jobs that I asked God for. One in a coffee shop and the other in a clothing store. Yay God.
Haha.
I don't even know what to say. My life is constantly this supernatural journey where I don't know how I'm going to eat one minute to the next I'm feasting in glory.
I do not know the full extent yet of what I'm doing here. Over the past weeks I've been really crying out to God asking Him what am I really doing here?
What do you think I'm doing here? Haha
Homeless for a solid month, hungry from time to time, tired, not fully aware.. but always happy and in peace, knowing God's hand is upon me. Thank the Lord I got a good night sleep last night, had a good breakfast, and am now enjoying a good cup of coffee at a local cafe down the street.
It's cool with my job that I'm really becoming a part of the community. I walk down the street and I see the people I serve coffee to and stop and talk. Which is so fun and I love it sooo much..
I'm really grateful that the church that Global Celebration runs out of has 3 other ministry schools full of young adults that are on fire for Jesus too.. So I have a huge rich church community. It's so awesome. Last weekend I was able to get together with a bunch of people and go out onto the streets praying for people and showing them the love of Christ.. It was amazing. I had so much fun. I'm so grateful for friends that I can do that with. I love sharing the Good News! I am compelled by the Love of God to preach! MUAHAHAHA.
Okay. I don't know what else to say. If you want to send me mail!!!!!!!! Because I have an address... Email me at shootingesther@gmail.com
Love you guys. Talk to me. Keep me in your prayers. Pray for my apartment to be filled with love and life and beautiful furniture.
Grace and peace to you through God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. WHOOP WHOOP.
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