I've been realizing why James and Paul says take joy in suffering. James 1. Romans 5.
It really does produce perseverance. And endurance. It really does produce character. And God really does pour out hope and His Holy Spirit. Abundantly. I've been having so much joy. So much crazy supernatural Holy Spirit joy.
Today I'm a little sad though.
I think its okay to be sad. God get sad over things. He mourns. His heart hurts over things.
When we suffer, we feel the nearness of Jesus so incredibly. He shows up so beautiful without fail. He never fails to provide for me. It's truly amazing. His presence has been so thick in the midst of the trials and tribulations of the past month that when things get to feel normal, I do almost wish for another just so I can feel the closeness of His presence knowing He's about to perform another miracle in my life.
So many freaking miracles. Someone posted as status on my facebook saying they were encouraged by my faith and to keep walking on water til its the only surface I know how to walk on. AH. Blah blah blah. I don't know if she even knows how deep that statement is to me. Because I know that's the life God is calling me to live. Walking on water.
I've been walking on water now for 3 months and the water just keeps getting deeper. I call out for normalcy and God is making this it.
As long as Jesus keeps showing up. And He always does.....
Gosh my heart is so heavy today. I'm so sad today. It's okay to be sad. I couldn't even go to the gym today, I just wanted lay in bed. AND THATS OKAY. Jesus meets me wherever I go. Whatever I do. He meets me. He says come to me and I will give you rest.
Today, I feel like drowning in His love. Today, I just want to sink into the ocean of His grace. Today. I'm going to be weak because in my weakness He is strong.
And now I've just gotten a call in reference to my student loans. Which is great. Because I didn't finish college. And I don't know when or if I will! HA Jesus. Thanks. If anyone would like to pay my student loans let me know.
Thank You Lord that it's okay to feel the full spectrum of emotions. Thank You Lord that its okay to be weak. I love being weak. Thank You Lord for being EVERYTHING that I need. I need you so desperately God. I am so poor in spirit. I need you so badly. I am so desperate for you. My heart and flesh cry out for you God. Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere. I am so in love with you God. I am so in love with you.
Jesus, bless the readers of these words. Let them feel Your presence. Let them feel your affection for them. I am so thankful for these people who read my words. Thank You Lord.
Amen. lalalala.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Saturday, November 9, 2013
My life is a miracle. Constantly.
Let God be glorified in all I do!!!!!!!! I pray. Jesus' name, Father.
I have been really trying to get into reading the 5 psalms a day and a proverb. I really have been seeking wisdom and understanding. I really want to know the heart of God and understand Him as best as I can.
It's been cool because as I read the Psalms I notice that the psalmists will bring their complaints to God and then they say to Him, answer me and then my soul will again rejoice and be glad.... So its okay to be distressed until the answer comes. I am definitely NOT saying that you must be 'woe is me' until the answer comes, because I'm all about rejoice ALWAYS. But I KNOW you can rejoice with a hurting heart. I know you can declare God's goodness and truth with tears streaming down your face. And how good it is when the answer comes and God rescues you.
So here is a good miracle.
About 2.5 weeks ago when I signed my lease... I realized I didn't have enough money for rent. I had been given in early October a check from an acquaintance for $800 for my first month rent. A MIRACLE. But when it came time for me to sign my lease on October 23rd, I realized that I had to pay for the last week of October and then full rent November 1st. So I was about $115 dollars short. And on top of that I had no money to buy food or anything else until I got paid on November 4th.
(BTW work had been and is still going SO WELL!!! I have so much fun serving up cups of joy and blessing my customers with kind words and compliments! I love working at Starbucks. I love it so much. And I'm praying for MORE of everything God has planned for me there. I also got a second job at clothing store called the Dress Barn. I just started but I know I'm going to love it too.)
So. Me and my roommate both were trying not to stress in the pressure of paying rent... But I had been feeling pretty exhausted from not getting much sleep (still acclimating to waking up at 5am for work). It was a Tuesday we signed the lease and I had class that night and I spent most of the class crying in the lobby. I was so tired. I just wanted my own space. I just wanted my own bed. I didn't want to have to be at the mercy of others. I just wanted to sleeeeeep. And I was so tired of always needing mercy and money and miracles. But God is funny. So I ended up spending that night again at my beloved friend's who had been caring for me... in the morning when I was getting dressed for work.. I found a $100 bill in my pocket.....
The angel of the Lord who put it there (one of my beloved friends) told me that while she was praying for me God had said to her, simply, that 'miracles don't have to be hard'. She said she knew I needed more but it still helped. Amen to that.
So it was definitely a kiss from my Father. So I knew I still needed more and God would provide more. But I had NO IDEA how He was going to do it. So the next few days... I just kind of spent money like I had it. Not a lot. But I'd buy myself lunch or whatever.
That weekend a friend came to visit and on our way to a worship event we stopped at the mall to pray for people. While praying for a lady who wanted financial stability... I heard the Lord say, 'miracles don't have to be hard.' So I passed on the $100 note. I knew that I still needed more so I just believed that an act of obedience is the best thing I could do. And that night was an amazinggg night of worship. Oh man it was good.
So the next day, Saturday, my beloved friend, Jessie who had come to visit me took me to the thrift store and we were able to get a decent amount of essentials for my apartment! She was so sweet to me. And that day a group of us went into the ghetto of Harrisburg (and it is literally ghetto) to pray for people and had a wonderful time being the hands of feet of Jesus and again went to another worship event. We love to worship Jesus. At the worship event my friends who I had stayed with for two weeks showed up with a bag of food for me!!!! Soooo sweet.
And even more still, I was sharing with a friend some of the crazy testimonies I've had been since being here in Harrisburg, like the guy giving me $800 and so many other powerful testimonies. He was just blown away by the provision of God in my life and the radical life of faith I've been living. I told him I was even yet still believing God for my rent in a week. And his face gets serious and he asks me 'how much do you need? like $300?' And I stop and think. I have about $200 now... I need $400 for rent. So $300 would help me survive until I get paid. And so I told him yeah, yeah. And he just looks at me so serious and tells me that the Lord just told him, 'give her $300, give her $300, give her $300.' The presence of God fell so strongly. It is so powerful what an act of obedience can do.
God is so funny. I was totally expecting Him to provide like October 31st. Because, ya know, how God likes to make you wait because He can be slow. But look at that. God was EARLY. What??
So funny that even the next day I had checked my bank balance and realized I spent more money than I intended and realized I'd have to live on even less. But at church, I saw him and he asked if it was really $300 that I needed. I said, yeah, yeah. And he told me that the Lord had really said $350 so he was just going to give me that.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD ALWAYS PROVIDES.
God is gracious and exceeding in all things. He is so merciful. I don't deserve His kindness but He pours it out abundantly.
Even more so. He is SO MERCIFUL. let me tell you...
So, I got paid on November 4th. And. What did I do.... I went to Sephora. It is a make up store. That is of the Lord. I promise. Jesus loves make up. And I had been really needed new foundation and a couple things. And I just bought itt....... not recklessly but just not super prudent. And then after Sephora, I paid my phone bill and realized...... I was back down to having..... nothing. I actually ended up making a couple purchases and over drawing my bank account. I told the Lord I would return the make up but I didn't even know how I was going to get to the store... so just praying and praying for wisdom and mercy and direction...... My grandma is of the Lord and had already been moved by His Spirit and had sent me a card with a check in it.
GOD ALWAYS PROVIDES. And He loves make up. He loves beauty. He really does.
And so I can go on and on about how Good my Father is....... but I'll save it.
There are a lot of miracles I haven't mentioned... I could literally talk to for an hour on what God does in less than a week in my life...
My life is so full of miracles. I am so honored by God that He would choose me to live so under His grace and mercy.
I love being obedient to Him. There is no better way to live. I love Him. I love you too. Let me know how I can pray for you.
Please continue praying for me. Pray that I can have an increased anointing for the prophetic so that I may love more coworkers and be able to speak the words of God into their lives and that they would KNOW Him and give their selves to Him. Pray that I would get deeper in the Word of God and that the Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation would be upon me. Pray that my apartment would be full of beautiful furniture and would be a garden full of fruit.
LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
I have been really trying to get into reading the 5 psalms a day and a proverb. I really have been seeking wisdom and understanding. I really want to know the heart of God and understand Him as best as I can.
It's been cool because as I read the Psalms I notice that the psalmists will bring their complaints to God and then they say to Him, answer me and then my soul will again rejoice and be glad.... So its okay to be distressed until the answer comes. I am definitely NOT saying that you must be 'woe is me' until the answer comes, because I'm all about rejoice ALWAYS. But I KNOW you can rejoice with a hurting heart. I know you can declare God's goodness and truth with tears streaming down your face. And how good it is when the answer comes and God rescues you.
So here is a good miracle.
About 2.5 weeks ago when I signed my lease... I realized I didn't have enough money for rent. I had been given in early October a check from an acquaintance for $800 for my first month rent. A MIRACLE. But when it came time for me to sign my lease on October 23rd, I realized that I had to pay for the last week of October and then full rent November 1st. So I was about $115 dollars short. And on top of that I had no money to buy food or anything else until I got paid on November 4th.
(BTW work had been and is still going SO WELL!!! I have so much fun serving up cups of joy and blessing my customers with kind words and compliments! I love working at Starbucks. I love it so much. And I'm praying for MORE of everything God has planned for me there. I also got a second job at clothing store called the Dress Barn. I just started but I know I'm going to love it too.)
So. Me and my roommate both were trying not to stress in the pressure of paying rent... But I had been feeling pretty exhausted from not getting much sleep (still acclimating to waking up at 5am for work). It was a Tuesday we signed the lease and I had class that night and I spent most of the class crying in the lobby. I was so tired. I just wanted my own space. I just wanted my own bed. I didn't want to have to be at the mercy of others. I just wanted to sleeeeeep. And I was so tired of always needing mercy and money and miracles. But God is funny. So I ended up spending that night again at my beloved friend's who had been caring for me... in the morning when I was getting dressed for work.. I found a $100 bill in my pocket.....
The angel of the Lord who put it there (one of my beloved friends) told me that while she was praying for me God had said to her, simply, that 'miracles don't have to be hard'. She said she knew I needed more but it still helped. Amen to that.
So it was definitely a kiss from my Father. So I knew I still needed more and God would provide more. But I had NO IDEA how He was going to do it. So the next few days... I just kind of spent money like I had it. Not a lot. But I'd buy myself lunch or whatever.
That weekend a friend came to visit and on our way to a worship event we stopped at the mall to pray for people. While praying for a lady who wanted financial stability... I heard the Lord say, 'miracles don't have to be hard.' So I passed on the $100 note. I knew that I still needed more so I just believed that an act of obedience is the best thing I could do. And that night was an amazinggg night of worship. Oh man it was good.
So the next day, Saturday, my beloved friend, Jessie who had come to visit me took me to the thrift store and we were able to get a decent amount of essentials for my apartment! She was so sweet to me. And that day a group of us went into the ghetto of Harrisburg (and it is literally ghetto) to pray for people and had a wonderful time being the hands of feet of Jesus and again went to another worship event. We love to worship Jesus. At the worship event my friends who I had stayed with for two weeks showed up with a bag of food for me!!!! Soooo sweet.
And even more still, I was sharing with a friend some of the crazy testimonies I've had been since being here in Harrisburg, like the guy giving me $800 and so many other powerful testimonies. He was just blown away by the provision of God in my life and the radical life of faith I've been living. I told him I was even yet still believing God for my rent in a week. And his face gets serious and he asks me 'how much do you need? like $300?' And I stop and think. I have about $200 now... I need $400 for rent. So $300 would help me survive until I get paid. And so I told him yeah, yeah. And he just looks at me so serious and tells me that the Lord just told him, 'give her $300, give her $300, give her $300.' The presence of God fell so strongly. It is so powerful what an act of obedience can do.
God is so funny. I was totally expecting Him to provide like October 31st. Because, ya know, how God likes to make you wait because He can be slow. But look at that. God was EARLY. What??
So funny that even the next day I had checked my bank balance and realized I spent more money than I intended and realized I'd have to live on even less. But at church, I saw him and he asked if it was really $300 that I needed. I said, yeah, yeah. And he told me that the Lord had really said $350 so he was just going to give me that.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD ALWAYS PROVIDES.
God is gracious and exceeding in all things. He is so merciful. I don't deserve His kindness but He pours it out abundantly.
Even more so. He is SO MERCIFUL. let me tell you...
So, I got paid on November 4th. And. What did I do.... I went to Sephora. It is a make up store. That is of the Lord. I promise. Jesus loves make up. And I had been really needed new foundation and a couple things. And I just bought itt....... not recklessly but just not super prudent. And then after Sephora, I paid my phone bill and realized...... I was back down to having..... nothing. I actually ended up making a couple purchases and over drawing my bank account. I told the Lord I would return the make up but I didn't even know how I was going to get to the store... so just praying and praying for wisdom and mercy and direction...... My grandma is of the Lord and had already been moved by His Spirit and had sent me a card with a check in it.
GOD ALWAYS PROVIDES. And He loves make up. He loves beauty. He really does.
And so I can go on and on about how Good my Father is....... but I'll save it.
There are a lot of miracles I haven't mentioned... I could literally talk to for an hour on what God does in less than a week in my life...
My life is so full of miracles. I am so honored by God that He would choose me to live so under His grace and mercy.
I love being obedient to Him. There is no better way to live. I love Him. I love you too. Let me know how I can pray for you.
Please continue praying for me. Pray that I can have an increased anointing for the prophetic so that I may love more coworkers and be able to speak the words of God into their lives and that they would KNOW Him and give their selves to Him. Pray that I would get deeper in the Word of God and that the Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation would be upon me. Pray that my apartment would be full of beautiful furniture and would be a garden full of fruit.
LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
MY OWN BED.
Me and Jessie out on the streets!
Starbucks girl
Saturday, November 2, 2013
I still can't fully believe I'm in Harrisburg.
I pinch myself sometimes.
I'm really living in Pennsylvania.
I've signed a lease. I have my own apartment. I HAVE TWO JOBS. And jobs that I asked God for. One in a coffee shop and the other in a clothing store. Yay God.
Haha.
I don't even know what to say. My life is constantly this supernatural journey where I don't know how I'm going to eat one minute to the next I'm feasting in glory.
I do not know the full extent yet of what I'm doing here. Over the past weeks I've been really crying out to God asking Him what am I really doing here?
What do you think I'm doing here? Haha
Homeless for a solid month, hungry from time to time, tired, not fully aware.. but always happy and in peace, knowing God's hand is upon me. Thank the Lord I got a good night sleep last night, had a good breakfast, and am now enjoying a good cup of coffee at a local cafe down the street.
It's cool with my job that I'm really becoming a part of the community. I walk down the street and I see the people I serve coffee to and stop and talk. Which is so fun and I love it sooo much..
I'm really grateful that the church that Global Celebration runs out of has 3 other ministry schools full of young adults that are on fire for Jesus too.. So I have a huge rich church community. It's so awesome. Last weekend I was able to get together with a bunch of people and go out onto the streets praying for people and showing them the love of Christ.. It was amazing. I had so much fun. I'm so grateful for friends that I can do that with. I love sharing the Good News! I am compelled by the Love of God to preach! MUAHAHAHA.
Okay. I don't know what else to say. If you want to send me mail!!!!!!!! Because I have an address... Email me at shootingesther@gmail.com
Love you guys. Talk to me. Keep me in your prayers. Pray for my apartment to be filled with love and life and beautiful furniture.
Grace and peace to you through God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. WHOOP WHOOP.
I'm really living in Pennsylvania.
I've signed a lease. I have my own apartment. I HAVE TWO JOBS. And jobs that I asked God for. One in a coffee shop and the other in a clothing store. Yay God.
Haha.
I don't even know what to say. My life is constantly this supernatural journey where I don't know how I'm going to eat one minute to the next I'm feasting in glory.
I do not know the full extent yet of what I'm doing here. Over the past weeks I've been really crying out to God asking Him what am I really doing here?
What do you think I'm doing here? Haha
Homeless for a solid month, hungry from time to time, tired, not fully aware.. but always happy and in peace, knowing God's hand is upon me. Thank the Lord I got a good night sleep last night, had a good breakfast, and am now enjoying a good cup of coffee at a local cafe down the street.
It's cool with my job that I'm really becoming a part of the community. I walk down the street and I see the people I serve coffee to and stop and talk. Which is so fun and I love it sooo much..
I'm really grateful that the church that Global Celebration runs out of has 3 other ministry schools full of young adults that are on fire for Jesus too.. So I have a huge rich church community. It's so awesome. Last weekend I was able to get together with a bunch of people and go out onto the streets praying for people and showing them the love of Christ.. It was amazing. I had so much fun. I'm so grateful for friends that I can do that with. I love sharing the Good News! I am compelled by the Love of God to preach! MUAHAHAHA.
Okay. I don't know what else to say. If you want to send me mail!!!!!!!! Because I have an address... Email me at shootingesther@gmail.com
Love you guys. Talk to me. Keep me in your prayers. Pray for my apartment to be filled with love and life and beautiful furniture.
Grace and peace to you through God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. WHOOP WHOOP.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
My life is crazy.
So, I'd like to tell you about my past week or so in Harrisburg, PA.
My life has been so crazy. I have been discovering what a real adventure it is to walk on water, completely in faith.
I really pray that this blog is worship unto God. I want this to be a pleasing sacrifice unto Him. I desire this blog to be a testimony of the Good things the Lord does in my life. I want it to be the Spirit of Prophesy for you to know what He will do in your life!!
Thank You, Lord, for the wonders You perform in my life! Encourage these readers to know that You will do the same in their lives! YAY GOD.
So, I've been homeless for almost 3 weeks now. LOL.
Sleeping on couches by the mercy of others.
Wow, it is humbling. To have absolutely no control.
But there's a lot of freedom.... even when you run out of money!
So my first full weekend here in Harrisburg, Global Celebration had a huge conference with speakers like Heidi Baker, Bill Johnson, and Lance Wallnau. It was absolutely amazing. And I have this obsessive compulsion to be obedient to God. So when He tells me to give, I give! Knowing that nothing I have is my own. It all belongs to God!! So there's a lot of freedom to give- because none of it was mine in the beginning!! All the earth is the LORD's and everything in it... Psalm 24:1
My beautiful roommate, Dawn, who picked me up and drove me out to this crazy adventure, is doing the school part-time-ish because she has children in high school so she is driving up to see them every other week. So after a week in Harrisburg she had to head back to Michigan to be with her children. I understood and God worked it out for me to stay at one of the staff at the school's apartments while they went out of town for the week. So I had an apartment to myself for like 5 days, which was amazing because when you're living as a nomad, private time is rare.
Whilst being in rest my body went out of adrenaline mode and the stresses came upon me in a sort of sickness. I wasn't too sick, but ill enough to really need serious rest.
I was able to go out, however, and apply for a job at Starbucks... which is the job I had wanted when God first told me I was coming out here while in Africa.. the same day I applied I got called for an interview! Which was for this past Tuesday, October 8th. After that I new I wasn't to apply for any other jobs because this was it.
So even though I just rested, my body wasn't seeming to get much better because I didn't have the opportunity to be able to go to a grocery store and buy vegetables to maintain proper nutrient... so I wasn't getting better, kind of worse. I also didn't have a lot of money to be able to go out and buy regular meals. I clung to the Word of God as my medicine. ;-)
When the staff members got back from their week away, I was hoping my roommate, Dawn, would be back in town for us to get to serious work at getting an apartment. I had found one while she was gone that was PERFECT and was given the application for it but didn't fill it out or try to submit it because I knew that she had a better credit and credentials as an appealing tenant. So I was waiting for her to return. Unfortunately... I had forgotten... that Dawn had signed up to do a Global Celebration retreat in Cabo, Mexico... I did know the Lord called her to it... but I forgot that it was this past week.... And I still wasn't feeling well... The staff member's whose place I was staying at have a baby and I didn't want to be around the baby not feeling well...
So, Monday-Tuesday were pretty hard days for me. I sought the Lord. I didn't know what to do. I wasn't feeling well, I didn't know where to go. I had basically no money. Dawn had the money for the deposit on our apartment. I sought the Lord. I sought the Lord. I sought the Lord. I sought His Face. I sought His wisdom, His counsel, His might. Because I had absolutely no strength.
Tuesday morning my interview went REALLY well. And I got the job!!! YAY GOD. But they told me at my interview that I had to wait 2 weeks to start so I could do an orientation class.
I didn't have 2 weeks. So after the interview. I just went and sat somewhere. I had no money. I had a check but I really felt the Lord telling me NOT to cash it. I didn't know what to do. I didn't even have any money to eat that day. I didn't know what I was going to do. I sought the Lord. I knew that He wouldn't let His child go hungry or beg for bread. I knew that I wasn't supposed to stay at the staff member's place much longer. I wasn't going to start my job for 2 weeks. How was I supposed to start working to pay for rent? I sought the Lord. Because I know when you seek the Lord, you find Him. I had seriously no idea how I was going to eat. I told the Lord I would fast, but I don't think the conditions of my heart were right... So, I just walked around Harrisburg, praying and seeking God's face.
Sitting on a bench by the river, praying and praying, worshiping God, trusting Him. Reminding Him of His promises. Seeking His face. I remembered I needed an ID to show for paperwork sake when you get a new job.. so I went to look in my wallet to find my license to make sure I had it. So looking through my wallet.. I found $20!! I had so thought I lost that $20 and had TORN UP my wallet looking for it before!! But God had kept it hidden because He wanted to prove His faithfulness at ALWAYS PROVIDING! I was going to be able to eat! And my favorite place to eat down town was having a special so I got to get a huge steak salad for $4. Jesus is soo good.
And so encouraged, I went back to the apartment, filled out this application for the apartment I wanted and turned it in. I knew it would be a miracle if I was approved for the apartment for us... and even more of a miracle because I didn't have the money to pay for it yet......
So, that night was class, and trying so hard to maintain a thankful and trustful heart... I completely broke down and just sobbed. I was still weary. I still only had in my possession like $15... I didn't know where I was going to stay until I could get an apartment... I didn't know how I was going to pay for it... I KNEW the Lord WILL provide... I know His promises... But I was tired. Still sickish. Still seeking full rest. And still seeking Him knowing He was going to show Himself.
And so, a beautiful friend of mine offered her apartment to me, since she was going to be out of town for the weekend and I could stay in her room and also come early to stay before she leaves. Both her and her roommate both felt it was the Lord for me to come! It was an amazing relief just knowing how God works continually through people's lives to provide for you.
So Wednesday I went to stay with Jenny and Tiffany, more amazing staff at Global Celebration. My sister also felt the Lord leading her to send me some money that I'll be able to survive on until I start working. Praise God! Praise God. Praise God. Praise God. He always provides.
He always provides.
Wednesday night we went to church to see Brother Yun, Heavenly Man, who was speaking. At church I was talking to someone who has been very excited about what God is doing in my life and the adventure I'm on... and very concerned about my job and apartment search... He felt led to provide the $800 I needed for my first month rent! So I could move into my apartment! (if I was approved)
GOD PROVIDES ALWAYS. GOD ALWAYS PROVIDES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So the next miracle I needed was to be approved for this apartment... So Thursday.... I get a call from the rental company saying that... despite the facts, like all I have is a part time job and Dawn isn't working yet... they just need to see some financial statements.. and the apartment is ours! They considered our missionary status'... and approved us..... What? Yes. God is a god of MIRACLES.
THEN
I get a call from Starbucks... and they said I could start the next day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I got to start working YESTERDAY! Full of favor and glory from the Lord. I'll be working Monday through Friday 6 AM to 12. Sounds great to me. And I'll have plenty of time to get a second job. YAY GOD.
So now I'm just waiting for Dawn to get back and she can show the rental company some paperwork and we will be moving into our new apartment. :DD
So I have an apartment. I have a job. Because I have a good God.
HE always provides. He always provides.
I came out to Harrisburg with basically nothing. And God provides everything. He is so faithful.
It is so important to be obedient to God. Because He always comes through. Always.
I'm so thankful for people who are obedient to Him.
I haven't stopped being so full of joy and glory. I haven't been able to stop praising Him. Even when I was hurting and confused, I still was praising Him and seeking Him. Even in my tears, I cried out to Him in worship. Knowing that everything was in His control. I totally felt all pride ripped from me. I can't do anything unless the Lord is breathing on my life. I don't have breath unless He gives it. It's all because of Him. It's all Jesus. It's all His. It all belongs to Him. And He'll never leave the righteous homeless or begging for bread.
There's so much more I could preach...... but I've already written so much. Thank you for reading these words. I hope you praise God because of them. And see that it is all Him. It's all Him. I couldn't have done any of that. It's all Him. Hehe Obvi.
My life has been so crazy. I have been discovering what a real adventure it is to walk on water, completely in faith.
I really pray that this blog is worship unto God. I want this to be a pleasing sacrifice unto Him. I desire this blog to be a testimony of the Good things the Lord does in my life. I want it to be the Spirit of Prophesy for you to know what He will do in your life!!
Thank You, Lord, for the wonders You perform in my life! Encourage these readers to know that You will do the same in their lives! YAY GOD.
So, I've been homeless for almost 3 weeks now. LOL.
Sleeping on couches by the mercy of others.
Wow, it is humbling. To have absolutely no control.
But there's a lot of freedom.... even when you run out of money!
So my first full weekend here in Harrisburg, Global Celebration had a huge conference with speakers like Heidi Baker, Bill Johnson, and Lance Wallnau. It was absolutely amazing. And I have this obsessive compulsion to be obedient to God. So when He tells me to give, I give! Knowing that nothing I have is my own. It all belongs to God!! So there's a lot of freedom to give- because none of it was mine in the beginning!! All the earth is the LORD's and everything in it... Psalm 24:1
My beautiful roommate, Dawn, who picked me up and drove me out to this crazy adventure, is doing the school part-time-ish because she has children in high school so she is driving up to see them every other week. So after a week in Harrisburg she had to head back to Michigan to be with her children. I understood and God worked it out for me to stay at one of the staff at the school's apartments while they went out of town for the week. So I had an apartment to myself for like 5 days, which was amazing because when you're living as a nomad, private time is rare.
Whilst being in rest my body went out of adrenaline mode and the stresses came upon me in a sort of sickness. I wasn't too sick, but ill enough to really need serious rest.
I was able to go out, however, and apply for a job at Starbucks... which is the job I had wanted when God first told me I was coming out here while in Africa.. the same day I applied I got called for an interview! Which was for this past Tuesday, October 8th. After that I new I wasn't to apply for any other jobs because this was it.
So even though I just rested, my body wasn't seeming to get much better because I didn't have the opportunity to be able to go to a grocery store and buy vegetables to maintain proper nutrient... so I wasn't getting better, kind of worse. I also didn't have a lot of money to be able to go out and buy regular meals. I clung to the Word of God as my medicine. ;-)
When the staff members got back from their week away, I was hoping my roommate, Dawn, would be back in town for us to get to serious work at getting an apartment. I had found one while she was gone that was PERFECT and was given the application for it but didn't fill it out or try to submit it because I knew that she had a better credit and credentials as an appealing tenant. So I was waiting for her to return. Unfortunately... I had forgotten... that Dawn had signed up to do a Global Celebration retreat in Cabo, Mexico... I did know the Lord called her to it... but I forgot that it was this past week.... And I still wasn't feeling well... The staff member's whose place I was staying at have a baby and I didn't want to be around the baby not feeling well...
So, Monday-Tuesday were pretty hard days for me. I sought the Lord. I didn't know what to do. I wasn't feeling well, I didn't know where to go. I had basically no money. Dawn had the money for the deposit on our apartment. I sought the Lord. I sought the Lord. I sought the Lord. I sought His Face. I sought His wisdom, His counsel, His might. Because I had absolutely no strength.
Tuesday morning my interview went REALLY well. And I got the job!!! YAY GOD. But they told me at my interview that I had to wait 2 weeks to start so I could do an orientation class.
I didn't have 2 weeks. So after the interview. I just went and sat somewhere. I had no money. I had a check but I really felt the Lord telling me NOT to cash it. I didn't know what to do. I didn't even have any money to eat that day. I didn't know what I was going to do. I sought the Lord. I knew that He wouldn't let His child go hungry or beg for bread. I knew that I wasn't supposed to stay at the staff member's place much longer. I wasn't going to start my job for 2 weeks. How was I supposed to start working to pay for rent? I sought the Lord. Because I know when you seek the Lord, you find Him. I had seriously no idea how I was going to eat. I told the Lord I would fast, but I don't think the conditions of my heart were right... So, I just walked around Harrisburg, praying and seeking God's face.
Sitting on a bench by the river, praying and praying, worshiping God, trusting Him. Reminding Him of His promises. Seeking His face. I remembered I needed an ID to show for paperwork sake when you get a new job.. so I went to look in my wallet to find my license to make sure I had it. So looking through my wallet.. I found $20!! I had so thought I lost that $20 and had TORN UP my wallet looking for it before!! But God had kept it hidden because He wanted to prove His faithfulness at ALWAYS PROVIDING! I was going to be able to eat! And my favorite place to eat down town was having a special so I got to get a huge steak salad for $4. Jesus is soo good.
And so encouraged, I went back to the apartment, filled out this application for the apartment I wanted and turned it in. I knew it would be a miracle if I was approved for the apartment for us... and even more of a miracle because I didn't have the money to pay for it yet......
So, that night was class, and trying so hard to maintain a thankful and trustful heart... I completely broke down and just sobbed. I was still weary. I still only had in my possession like $15... I didn't know where I was going to stay until I could get an apartment... I didn't know how I was going to pay for it... I KNEW the Lord WILL provide... I know His promises... But I was tired. Still sickish. Still seeking full rest. And still seeking Him knowing He was going to show Himself.
And so, a beautiful friend of mine offered her apartment to me, since she was going to be out of town for the weekend and I could stay in her room and also come early to stay before she leaves. Both her and her roommate both felt it was the Lord for me to come! It was an amazing relief just knowing how God works continually through people's lives to provide for you.
So Wednesday I went to stay with Jenny and Tiffany, more amazing staff at Global Celebration. My sister also felt the Lord leading her to send me some money that I'll be able to survive on until I start working. Praise God! Praise God. Praise God. Praise God. He always provides.
He always provides.
Wednesday night we went to church to see Brother Yun, Heavenly Man, who was speaking. At church I was talking to someone who has been very excited about what God is doing in my life and the adventure I'm on... and very concerned about my job and apartment search... He felt led to provide the $800 I needed for my first month rent! So I could move into my apartment! (if I was approved)
GOD PROVIDES ALWAYS. GOD ALWAYS PROVIDES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So the next miracle I needed was to be approved for this apartment... So Thursday.... I get a call from the rental company saying that... despite the facts, like all I have is a part time job and Dawn isn't working yet... they just need to see some financial statements.. and the apartment is ours! They considered our missionary status'... and approved us..... What? Yes. God is a god of MIRACLES.
THEN
I get a call from Starbucks... and they said I could start the next day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I got to start working YESTERDAY! Full of favor and glory from the Lord. I'll be working Monday through Friday 6 AM to 12. Sounds great to me. And I'll have plenty of time to get a second job. YAY GOD.
So now I'm just waiting for Dawn to get back and she can show the rental company some paperwork and we will be moving into our new apartment. :DD
So I have an apartment. I have a job. Because I have a good God.
HE always provides. He always provides.
I came out to Harrisburg with basically nothing. And God provides everything. He is so faithful.
It is so important to be obedient to God. Because He always comes through. Always.
I'm so thankful for people who are obedient to Him.
I haven't stopped being so full of joy and glory. I haven't been able to stop praising Him. Even when I was hurting and confused, I still was praising Him and seeking Him. Even in my tears, I cried out to Him in worship. Knowing that everything was in His control. I totally felt all pride ripped from me. I can't do anything unless the Lord is breathing on my life. I don't have breath unless He gives it. It's all because of Him. It's all Jesus. It's all His. It all belongs to Him. And He'll never leave the righteous homeless or begging for bread.
There's so much more I could preach...... but I've already written so much. Thank you for reading these words. I hope you praise God because of them. And see that it is all Him. It's all Him. I couldn't have done any of that. It's all Him. Hehe Obvi.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Walking on Water
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
2 Corinthians 3 through 5.
So, right now, I'm pretty tired. I've been Harrisburg a week and we haven't found an apartment or jobs.
But,
I'm happy. I am so happy that God has brought me to Harrisburg. I know that this is exactly where I am meant to be. I have been exactly where God has wanted me to be without a shadow of a doubt. I have been obedient to my Lover Jesus. My Bridegroom and my Friend. He comforts me, telling me He will never leave me nor forsake me. He keeps me in this time of trouble, leading me and guiding me.
It is exciting... walking on water. Jesus has been so faithful to help me keep my eyes on Him so that I will not sink.
And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18
My prayer is to be transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory. These present sufferings do not compare to the glory which will be revealed. They do not compare. So what if I don't have a job. So what if I am running out of money. So what if I am homeless for a little while. I'm seated in heavenly places (Ephesians 1). I have a delightful inheritance (Psalm 16). And Jesus takes care of all my needs before I ask. My Father in Heaven knows what I need (Matt 6:8).
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 2 Cor 4:7-9
That verse has really been ringing in my head. The Lord has been really speaking to me this in the past week.
But please let me tell you how wonderful it is. The peace the passes all understanding, knowing that I am in His hand, under the shelter of His wing, kept in His refuge. I have been in such peace. I may be tired, I may be perplexed, but I am really, really not in despair or abandoned.
I have had 2 job interviews and looked at countless apartments and most people think we are crazy. What? Why? Why did you come here? What for? What?
Everything makes sense when you're looking into the face of Jesus. I trust God so much.
It has been so wonderful being here in Harrisburg. Going to the Global Celebration School is definitely God's will. I am so excited for what He is going to do here in me. I have been so falling in love with all the people here. This past weekend there was a conference at the church with some awesome people, like Heidi Baker who I spent the summer with in Mozambique. Also, Bill Johnson whose sermons and books I love to hear and read. Such a mighty man of God. I met so many new people. Made sooo many amazing friends. It has been such an awesome blessing.
So, friends, family, beloveds, pray for me!
I'm tired but Jesus says come to me and I will give you rest! I am resting in His promises that my hope in Him DOES NOT DISAPPOINT.
through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:2-5
Please let me know how I can pray for you! Please let me know you are praying for me! Please encourage me! Please let me know how I can encourage you!
I love you so much and I love God so much and God loves you so much.
YAY.
The Hope of Glory lives in me. I pray that God will fill US BOTH with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. That we may live lives WORTHY OF THE LORD and may please Him in every way; bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to HIS glorious might so that we may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in the Kingdom of light. Colossians 1:9-12
For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
2 Corinthians 3 through 5.
So, right now, I'm pretty tired. I've been Harrisburg a week and we haven't found an apartment or jobs.
But,
I'm happy. I am so happy that God has brought me to Harrisburg. I know that this is exactly where I am meant to be. I have been exactly where God has wanted me to be without a shadow of a doubt. I have been obedient to my Lover Jesus. My Bridegroom and my Friend. He comforts me, telling me He will never leave me nor forsake me. He keeps me in this time of trouble, leading me and guiding me.
It is exciting... walking on water. Jesus has been so faithful to help me keep my eyes on Him so that I will not sink.
And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18
My prayer is to be transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory. These present sufferings do not compare to the glory which will be revealed. They do not compare. So what if I don't have a job. So what if I am running out of money. So what if I am homeless for a little while. I'm seated in heavenly places (Ephesians 1). I have a delightful inheritance (Psalm 16). And Jesus takes care of all my needs before I ask. My Father in Heaven knows what I need (Matt 6:8).
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 2 Cor 4:7-9
That verse has really been ringing in my head. The Lord has been really speaking to me this in the past week.
But please let me tell you how wonderful it is. The peace the passes all understanding, knowing that I am in His hand, under the shelter of His wing, kept in His refuge. I have been in such peace. I may be tired, I may be perplexed, but I am really, really not in despair or abandoned.
I have had 2 job interviews and looked at countless apartments and most people think we are crazy. What? Why? Why did you come here? What for? What?
Everything makes sense when you're looking into the face of Jesus. I trust God so much.
It has been so wonderful being here in Harrisburg. Going to the Global Celebration School is definitely God's will. I am so excited for what He is going to do here in me. I have been so falling in love with all the people here. This past weekend there was a conference at the church with some awesome people, like Heidi Baker who I spent the summer with in Mozambique. Also, Bill Johnson whose sermons and books I love to hear and read. Such a mighty man of God. I met so many new people. Made sooo many amazing friends. It has been such an awesome blessing.
So, friends, family, beloveds, pray for me!
I'm tired but Jesus says come to me and I will give you rest! I am resting in His promises that my hope in Him DOES NOT DISAPPOINT.
through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:2-5
Please let me know how I can pray for you! Please let me know you are praying for me! Please encourage me! Please let me know how I can encourage you!
I love you so much and I love God so much and God loves you so much.
YAY.
The Hope of Glory lives in me. I pray that God will fill US BOTH with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. That we may live lives WORTHY OF THE LORD and may please Him in every way; bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to HIS glorious might so that we may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in the Kingdom of light. Colossians 1:9-12
Friday, September 20, 2013
Getting ready to go... And This is how it happened!
So,
Packing isn't super easy.
And now. I've been trying to do it all day.
I just really need another suitcase.
But Jesus is always good..... always good.
It's 1 AM. And I just finished drinking a cup of coffee. Because I just want to get it all done.
There's a lot to do.
I'm so excited.
I'm really gonna miss my dog. I really want to get an apartment that allows dogs so I can bring George Harrison Ford (Harry) there as soon as I can!
Holy Spirit, help me tell these people what they want to hear.
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.
So, I've told you the testimony of the Lord calling me to Harrisburg, PA and the Global Celebration ministry. And now I'll testify how the Lord is bringing me there!! It's so cool.
I also told you about the waiting. Sitting and waiting for the Lord. Because the Lord cares more about who I am than what I do. (Thank You Lord Jesus).
But we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us. Romans 5:3-5
Oh, it was so hard for me to wait. I was so confused. I was so disappointed. I didn't understand why God was keeping me here when I knew He called me to PA.
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God. you will receive what He has promised. Hebrews 10:35,36
Peace stilled my anxious heart. I tried to make other plans for staying in the Chicagoland... but I knew it wasn't right. I knew God had made it clear that it was Harrisburg, PA.
For in just a very little while, He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him. Hebrews 10:37,38
While in Africa, the first time I mentioned going to PA in email updates to home, someone responded that I should not be afraid to go with nothing, just go. I did not like that response. I told God that I wasn't going to Harrisburg, PA unless the school tuition was fully paid, I had rent for a year, and all my debt paid off. And a new car.
That's not too much to ask of God, right? I didn't think so. I still don't think so. I have a big God and I believe I can ask for big things. But what are the motives of my heart?
All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD. Proverbs 16:2
HAHAHAHAHA. lol. yeah. uhm. yep.
The Lord cares about my character. The Lord cares about who I am. THANK GOD for the following verse.
Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3
I do do that. I definitely do that. And my plans succeed but the Lord works out everything for His own ends (Proverbs 16:4). Praise God. His plans are so much better than mine. Because He is so extravagant. Praise His Holy Holy Holy name that He desires me to be a woman who lives by FAITH. He wants me to be PLEASING to Him. He wants me to reflect His Glory and walk like His Son. He wants me to be the righteousness of Jesus, YAY.
The founder of Global Celebration, Georgian Banov, was speaking at my home church, LIFE Church in St. Charles, IL, on September 15th. It was a wonderful way to be able to go a week late to the ministry school that started on September 9th ( and also give God more time to provide- lol ). So, on the 15th I expected God to give me the confirmation if I was supposed to go to the school now or later... Georgian was really encouraging to me, believing I was supposed to be in PA and that I had been right in not doing any fund raising of any kind unless the LORD had given me direction to. It was really encouraging but not the total confirmation I needed. So that evening Georgian was also speaking at a ministry called the HUB about an hour from my house. I promised to Geo that I would be there... But actually having no idea how I would get there. It ended up being totally miraculous with two friends of mine deciding last minute to go and they were able to drive. I was soo close to not being able to make it.
A lady that had done the same Global Celebration internship as me messaged me and told me she was going to be there that night. I didn't know her too well, but it was cool that she would be there. I was wondering why she was going. I knew she lived in northern Michigan and was going to the school in Harrisburg as well. I figured she must be helping Georgian or something. When I got there I had forgotten she was going to be there but it was soooo nice to see her.
Then, she told me the reason she drove 7 HOURS from northern MI to be at the meeting in Chicago: ME. She told me the Lord hasn't stopped saying my name to her. Esther, Esther, Esther. She said the Lord had told her we were supposed to be roommates. We were supposed to be roommates in Harrisburg, PA. I was supposed to be at the Global Celebration School of Supernatural Ministry. So she followed the Lord's direction and drove 7 HOURS TO COME GET ME.
She is doing the school part time, driving in between Harrisburg and her home in MI because she has some children in high school that stay with their father every other week so she is driving in between the two states to be with them. But she feels so called to the school and God is giving her the grace and ability to do it. So she told me that she was coming to pick me up the following weekend and we were driving to Harrisburg. She hasn't been able to find the right apartment yet because she knew I was supposed to be there and be her roommate. So we will go without knowing exactly where we are staying yet.
So I think the Lord gave me the confirmation I needed. Sending someone 7 hours to tell me. She didn't even know if I was going to be there. I almost didn't even make it. I was an hour late. Crazy. She just kept saying, God loves you so much. He is so in love with you. He is so in love with you.
Yes, he is.
So, the next day, I met with my Bible study leader for some wisdom and counsel. As someone who I extremely look to as a wise woman of God, her advice weighs much with me. And she confirmed overwhelmingly that this was God. That to just get in the car and drive to PA, not even knowing where we will stay when we get there, is the exact radical faith that God is calling us to.
Isn't it what Jesus called the disciples to??? Luke 9:1-3 and He sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick. He told them: "Take nothing for the journey, no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra tunic."
I want to be a disciple. I don't know about you. But I want to be a disciple. I want to be real. I want to be real. I want to be real. I want to be real. I want to be real. I want to be real.
I want to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. I want to be a real disciple.
But in this day and age. It is hard to go with NO money. Especially when you have a school tuition to pay and rent to live somewhere.
But God confirms His word with signs and wonders, right? John 10:38.
So, Tuesday morning at Bible study, I shared the testimony of God confirming that He has called me to Harrisburg and that I was to leave this weekend. Without me even asking my Bible study of about 20 AMAZING women of God, they were led to take an offering for me to send me out. These 20 lil ladies.... collected almost $900. Praise the Lord. It's not everything I need but it's enough for the Lord to get me there. And walk in faith for the rest.
Because why would God send a woman 7 hours to tell me I'm supposed to be there, give me $900, and a ride to Harrisburg and not give me the rest that I needed???????
Jesus is amazing. Beloved, please believe that the things that God has called you to. HE WILL PROVIDE FOR. He WILL provide. He WILL provide. It will probably (probable definitely) not look how you expected it to. I definitely did not expect the Lord to provide the way He did. I definitely did not expect Jesus to provide the way He did.
So I've been packing up. Getting ready to give away anything and everything that isn't coming with me. Getting ready to start a new chapter in Harrisburg. Not really sure if I'll be back in IL any time soon!
Alright, if you would like. I feel like I can offer you an opportunity to help send me and get me set up in Harrisburg, PA until I get a job. If you would like help me get dishes for my future apartment. A bed to sleep on. or help pay the tuition for my school.
You can give through paypal and use my email shootingesther@gmail.com
https://www.paypal.com/us/webapps/mpp/send-money-online
If you feel led by the Joy of the Lord! I don't want anyone to give out of compulsion. Only if it gives you joy through the Holy Spirit!
But please pray for me! Pray for me as I take this journey. The Lord has made it work out so perfectly. I can say so much more but I don't want to keep having these super long blog things.
Please pray for me as we go without knowing exactly we're going to stay. Pray for me as I start this new school. Pray for me to find the right job! And thank the Lord that this is His doing. Thank the Lord that He provides for everything we need according to His riches and glory in Christ Jesus. Praise Him because He is worthy and He is good!
I'm so excited to go because I KNOW this is God. It's hard to leave my family. My mom. My brother. My sisters. My grandma. My uncles. My aunts. My cousins. My friends. But I'll leave everything behind to follow Jesus. He's my Lover. My Friend. My Bridegroom. He's my Everything. I'll go wherever He sends me. I'll go. I'll go with nothing.
Oh Beloved. I love you so much. Please let me know how I can pray for you. I love you. Please keep commenting and sharing the Good News. You are amazing.
I love you.
Packing isn't super easy.
And now. I've been trying to do it all day.
I just really need another suitcase.
But Jesus is always good..... always good.
It's 1 AM. And I just finished drinking a cup of coffee. Because I just want to get it all done.
There's a lot to do.
I'm so excited.
I'm really gonna miss my dog. I really want to get an apartment that allows dogs so I can bring George Harrison Ford (Harry) there as soon as I can!
Holy Spirit, help me tell these people what they want to hear.
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.
So, I've told you the testimony of the Lord calling me to Harrisburg, PA and the Global Celebration ministry. And now I'll testify how the Lord is bringing me there!! It's so cool.
I also told you about the waiting. Sitting and waiting for the Lord. Because the Lord cares more about who I am than what I do. (Thank You Lord Jesus).
But we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us. Romans 5:3-5
Oh, it was so hard for me to wait. I was so confused. I was so disappointed. I didn't understand why God was keeping me here when I knew He called me to PA.
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God. you will receive what He has promised. Hebrews 10:35,36
Peace stilled my anxious heart. I tried to make other plans for staying in the Chicagoland... but I knew it wasn't right. I knew God had made it clear that it was Harrisburg, PA.
For in just a very little while, He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him. Hebrews 10:37,38
While in Africa, the first time I mentioned going to PA in email updates to home, someone responded that I should not be afraid to go with nothing, just go. I did not like that response. I told God that I wasn't going to Harrisburg, PA unless the school tuition was fully paid, I had rent for a year, and all my debt paid off. And a new car.
That's not too much to ask of God, right? I didn't think so. I still don't think so. I have a big God and I believe I can ask for big things. But what are the motives of my heart?
All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD. Proverbs 16:2
HAHAHAHAHA. lol. yeah. uhm. yep.
The Lord cares about my character. The Lord cares about who I am. THANK GOD for the following verse.
Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3
I do do that. I definitely do that. And my plans succeed but the Lord works out everything for His own ends (Proverbs 16:4). Praise God. His plans are so much better than mine. Because He is so extravagant. Praise His Holy Holy Holy name that He desires me to be a woman who lives by FAITH. He wants me to be PLEASING to Him. He wants me to reflect His Glory and walk like His Son. He wants me to be the righteousness of Jesus, YAY.
The founder of Global Celebration, Georgian Banov, was speaking at my home church, LIFE Church in St. Charles, IL, on September 15th. It was a wonderful way to be able to go a week late to the ministry school that started on September 9th ( and also give God more time to provide- lol ). So, on the 15th I expected God to give me the confirmation if I was supposed to go to the school now or later... Georgian was really encouraging to me, believing I was supposed to be in PA and that I had been right in not doing any fund raising of any kind unless the LORD had given me direction to. It was really encouraging but not the total confirmation I needed. So that evening Georgian was also speaking at a ministry called the HUB about an hour from my house. I promised to Geo that I would be there... But actually having no idea how I would get there. It ended up being totally miraculous with two friends of mine deciding last minute to go and they were able to drive. I was soo close to not being able to make it.
A lady that had done the same Global Celebration internship as me messaged me and told me she was going to be there that night. I didn't know her too well, but it was cool that she would be there. I was wondering why she was going. I knew she lived in northern Michigan and was going to the school in Harrisburg as well. I figured she must be helping Georgian or something. When I got there I had forgotten she was going to be there but it was soooo nice to see her.
Then, she told me the reason she drove 7 HOURS from northern MI to be at the meeting in Chicago: ME. She told me the Lord hasn't stopped saying my name to her. Esther, Esther, Esther. She said the Lord had told her we were supposed to be roommates. We were supposed to be roommates in Harrisburg, PA. I was supposed to be at the Global Celebration School of Supernatural Ministry. So she followed the Lord's direction and drove 7 HOURS TO COME GET ME.
She is doing the school part time, driving in between Harrisburg and her home in MI because she has some children in high school that stay with their father every other week so she is driving in between the two states to be with them. But she feels so called to the school and God is giving her the grace and ability to do it. So she told me that she was coming to pick me up the following weekend and we were driving to Harrisburg. She hasn't been able to find the right apartment yet because she knew I was supposed to be there and be her roommate. So we will go without knowing exactly where we are staying yet.
So I think the Lord gave me the confirmation I needed. Sending someone 7 hours to tell me. She didn't even know if I was going to be there. I almost didn't even make it. I was an hour late. Crazy. She just kept saying, God loves you so much. He is so in love with you. He is so in love with you.
Yes, he is.
So, the next day, I met with my Bible study leader for some wisdom and counsel. As someone who I extremely look to as a wise woman of God, her advice weighs much with me. And she confirmed overwhelmingly that this was God. That to just get in the car and drive to PA, not even knowing where we will stay when we get there, is the exact radical faith that God is calling us to.
Isn't it what Jesus called the disciples to??? Luke 9:1-3 and He sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick. He told them: "Take nothing for the journey, no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra tunic."
I want to be a disciple. I don't know about you. But I want to be a disciple. I want to be real. I want to be real. I want to be real. I want to be real. I want to be real. I want to be real.
I want to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. I want to be a real disciple.
But in this day and age. It is hard to go with NO money. Especially when you have a school tuition to pay and rent to live somewhere.
But God confirms His word with signs and wonders, right? John 10:38.
So, Tuesday morning at Bible study, I shared the testimony of God confirming that He has called me to Harrisburg and that I was to leave this weekend. Without me even asking my Bible study of about 20 AMAZING women of God, they were led to take an offering for me to send me out. These 20 lil ladies.... collected almost $900. Praise the Lord. It's not everything I need but it's enough for the Lord to get me there. And walk in faith for the rest.
Because why would God send a woman 7 hours to tell me I'm supposed to be there, give me $900, and a ride to Harrisburg and not give me the rest that I needed???????
Jesus is amazing. Beloved, please believe that the things that God has called you to. HE WILL PROVIDE FOR. He WILL provide. He WILL provide. It will probably (probable definitely) not look how you expected it to. I definitely did not expect the Lord to provide the way He did. I definitely did not expect Jesus to provide the way He did.
So I've been packing up. Getting ready to give away anything and everything that isn't coming with me. Getting ready to start a new chapter in Harrisburg. Not really sure if I'll be back in IL any time soon!
Alright, if you would like. I feel like I can offer you an opportunity to help send me and get me set up in Harrisburg, PA until I get a job. If you would like help me get dishes for my future apartment. A bed to sleep on. or help pay the tuition for my school.
You can give through paypal and use my email shootingesther@gmail.com
https://www.paypal.com/us/webapps/mpp/send-money-online
If you feel led by the Joy of the Lord! I don't want anyone to give out of compulsion. Only if it gives you joy through the Holy Spirit!
But please pray for me! Pray for me as I take this journey. The Lord has made it work out so perfectly. I can say so much more but I don't want to keep having these super long blog things.
Please pray for me as we go without knowing exactly we're going to stay. Pray for me as I start this new school. Pray for me to find the right job! And thank the Lord that this is His doing. Thank the Lord that He provides for everything we need according to His riches and glory in Christ Jesus. Praise Him because He is worthy and He is good!
I'm so excited to go because I KNOW this is God. It's hard to leave my family. My mom. My brother. My sisters. My grandma. My uncles. My aunts. My cousins. My friends. But I'll leave everything behind to follow Jesus. He's my Lover. My Friend. My Bridegroom. He's my Everything. I'll go wherever He sends me. I'll go. I'll go with nothing.
Oh Beloved. I love you so much. Please let me know how I can pray for you. I love you. Please keep commenting and sharing the Good News. You are amazing.
I love you.
Monday, September 16, 2013
See you later, IL.
So, right now I'm packing my bags. Because everything that doesn't fit in my suitcase is being given away. Everything.
This is so exciting.
I've always wanted to live radically. And now I get to!
Jesus gave me CRAZY confirmation that I'm supposed to be in Harrisburg, PA doing Global Celebration's Supernatural School of Ministry. GCSSM. I have a friend picking me up on Sunday and we are just driving out there.
At the moment. I have no money.
But did Jesus tell the disciples to bring anything when they went out? No.
So I am believing the Lord to provide the finances for my tuition and for rent. But I know that it will come. Regardless. I'm leaving on Sunday. Or Saturday night.
I have never been more excited.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Two weeks in America and this is my heart ATM.
So, I'm looking to connect with the Lord right now by telling you about what's been going on in my heart.
I loved Africa so much. From the moment I got into Africa, I was already thinking about the next time I would go. It was hard though because at the end of my time in Africa I was ready to go home. Badly.
Being back in the states has been so interesting. With these huge prospects of moving across the country to PA and the dealings that go with that. My heart has been the biggest issue. Everyone is asking how its all coming along and my answer right now is that the preparations have been in my heart. None of the finances that I need to move to PA have come in. My first week back in the states, I tried to spend a lot of time seeing people. My second week I've been trying to see God and what He is doing.
But I haven't fully been seeing Him! Jesus is so funny though, only to show us so much, because He wants to draw us deeper into Himself.
I'll be honest with you, I've been battling a lot of disappointment and discouragement. While I was in Africa and trying to figure out what I was going to do when I got back, my heart totally rested in peace knowing that the will of God was for me to go to Harrisburg, PA to do Global Celebrations Supernatural School of Ministry. And I thought I would be back in the country for a week and packing up my life to move. But Jesus has kept me still. He's been preparing my heart, purging it with the fire and the dross/impurities have been coming to the surface for Him to cleanse me.
It's so kind of Him. Because that has been my biggest prayer.
Romans 12:1-3 Message
So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life- your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life- and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. you'll be changed from the inside out. readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.
Romans 12:1-2 NIV
Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
I just love worshiping God. From the moment I truly gave my life to Jesus, I had the instant revelation that my purpose in life was to worship Him. I knew that when I worshiped Him I was coming into alignment with my reason for existence.
People ask me all the time what was something that I learned in Africa... My hearts first answer is to pursue holiness. To be holy as the Lord is holy. To live a life of holy obedience to the Lord because that is greater than any sacrifice. I want to be transformed and conformed into the image of Christ. More than anything. I want to live a life of worship unto Him. And according to Romans 12:2, true worship is being a living holy and pleasing to God, offering Him my body as a conduit of His Spirit. I want my mind renewed that I may be able to test and approve what God's will is, His good and pleasing and perfect will.
This is just Romans 12. That's only 2 verses from Romans 12. I could go on for hours...
So, ergo, I am grateful that the Lord is working on my heart. Because Jesus cares about who I am more than what I do. Jesus wants me to have good character not just good works. Jesus wants me to look like Him because that's what I was made for.
I don't know if I digress, but, anyway. I want to look like Jesus.
Since being back, Jesus has been working on my heart. When I was in Africa, I had 3 different offers to be an au pair in France, one for a family who owns their own plane. Just saying. (French is a minor of mine at university and I had several dreams of ministering in France.) I also felt a strong desire to want to return to Mozambique to staff the next missions school. And then I was also thinking about being back in my Chicagoland and doing ministry in my home. It was TORMENT to think about doing anything but going to Harrisburg. Harrisburg was the only choice that gave me ABUNDANT peace. So, it has been an interesting place, waiting for the Lord to move on this promise I believe He has made to me about moving to Harrisburg, and not seeing a manifestation in the physical. But feeling the manifestation of His hands in my heart.
I just rejoice in Him. Because I still feel, even though I should be in Harrisburg already going to the first day of school tomorrow, Monday September 9th, peace. I still feel peace. I still know that I'm going. And I'm really grateful for the extra time that I've had hear at home. I'm so grateful the Lord is continuing to cleanse my heart of all that isn't of Him.
It is painful to see the wrong motives of your heart come to the surface and things in your heart that are just not pretty... It's hard to see that, but its so good to know that Jesus cares so much about everything in us, He so desires us to be pure before Him. Hebrews 10:14 For by one sacrifice he (Jesus) has made perfect those who are being made holy.
AHHHH I WANT TO BE HOLY. O to be fully pleasing before God... Colossians 1:10... fully pleasing in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so we may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, WHO HAS QUALIFIED YOU to share in the INHERITANCE of the saints of the Kingdom of Light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
And I could just type out the rest of Colossians.
Hallelujah.
Beloved, I pray that you would just feel the pleasure of God over you. I just pray that the HOLY Spirit (the Spirit of God could have been known by any name, but He wanted to be known as HOLY- side note) would just touch your heart. Rejoice. Be glad. Don't let your hearts be troubled.
I say this as my heart has been troubled, but I rejoice in knowing that my God IS Faithful and True. Greater is He who is in me. Great are His promises and they are YES AND AMEN in Him! 2 Corin 1:20.
I could talk forever....... I love scripture........
Writing this has definitely reminded me of His goodness. Friends,family, beloved ones. Please remember who God is. He is a safe tower. He is the Comforter. Remember who He is. Rejoice in Him, not any circumstances. Even a good circumstance will change. But He is Constant. His word stands forever.
Jesus is taking me to Harrisburg. I know He is. I trust Him.
If you feel like you would like to bless me financially, do it. Because the Lord repays those who lend to the poor. Proverbs 19:17. Or let me work for you! Let me do a job for you! I am a hard worker. I work for the Lord!! But this is what I feel God has led me to do in means of asking for provision. Just trusting Him. I so trust Him. You know, I didn't raise any support in going to Africa. I asked no one for money. And roughly just about 8,000 $ came in for me to go to Africa for 3 months. Who is the Lord? He is good. Seek Him. Seek His Kingdom. All things will be added unto you.
So bless you so much for reading all my words. You are so amazing. God is so in love with You. I love you so much. Rejoice with me in the Lord! again I say rejoice!
YAY.
I loved Africa so much. From the moment I got into Africa, I was already thinking about the next time I would go. It was hard though because at the end of my time in Africa I was ready to go home. Badly.
Being back in the states has been so interesting. With these huge prospects of moving across the country to PA and the dealings that go with that. My heart has been the biggest issue. Everyone is asking how its all coming along and my answer right now is that the preparations have been in my heart. None of the finances that I need to move to PA have come in. My first week back in the states, I tried to spend a lot of time seeing people. My second week I've been trying to see God and what He is doing.
But I haven't fully been seeing Him! Jesus is so funny though, only to show us so much, because He wants to draw us deeper into Himself.
I'll be honest with you, I've been battling a lot of disappointment and discouragement. While I was in Africa and trying to figure out what I was going to do when I got back, my heart totally rested in peace knowing that the will of God was for me to go to Harrisburg, PA to do Global Celebrations Supernatural School of Ministry. And I thought I would be back in the country for a week and packing up my life to move. But Jesus has kept me still. He's been preparing my heart, purging it with the fire and the dross/impurities have been coming to the surface for Him to cleanse me.
It's so kind of Him. Because that has been my biggest prayer.
Romans 12:1-3 Message
So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life- your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life- and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. you'll be changed from the inside out. readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.
Romans 12:1-2 NIV
Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
I just love worshiping God. From the moment I truly gave my life to Jesus, I had the instant revelation that my purpose in life was to worship Him. I knew that when I worshiped Him I was coming into alignment with my reason for existence.
People ask me all the time what was something that I learned in Africa... My hearts first answer is to pursue holiness. To be holy as the Lord is holy. To live a life of holy obedience to the Lord because that is greater than any sacrifice. I want to be transformed and conformed into the image of Christ. More than anything. I want to live a life of worship unto Him. And according to Romans 12:2, true worship is being a living holy and pleasing to God, offering Him my body as a conduit of His Spirit. I want my mind renewed that I may be able to test and approve what God's will is, His good and pleasing and perfect will.
This is just Romans 12. That's only 2 verses from Romans 12. I could go on for hours...
So, ergo, I am grateful that the Lord is working on my heart. Because Jesus cares about who I am more than what I do. Jesus wants me to have good character not just good works. Jesus wants me to look like Him because that's what I was made for.
I don't know if I digress, but, anyway. I want to look like Jesus.
Since being back, Jesus has been working on my heart. When I was in Africa, I had 3 different offers to be an au pair in France, one for a family who owns their own plane. Just saying. (French is a minor of mine at university and I had several dreams of ministering in France.) I also felt a strong desire to want to return to Mozambique to staff the next missions school. And then I was also thinking about being back in my Chicagoland and doing ministry in my home. It was TORMENT to think about doing anything but going to Harrisburg. Harrisburg was the only choice that gave me ABUNDANT peace. So, it has been an interesting place, waiting for the Lord to move on this promise I believe He has made to me about moving to Harrisburg, and not seeing a manifestation in the physical. But feeling the manifestation of His hands in my heart.
I just rejoice in Him. Because I still feel, even though I should be in Harrisburg already going to the first day of school tomorrow, Monday September 9th, peace. I still feel peace. I still know that I'm going. And I'm really grateful for the extra time that I've had hear at home. I'm so grateful the Lord is continuing to cleanse my heart of all that isn't of Him.
It is painful to see the wrong motives of your heart come to the surface and things in your heart that are just not pretty... It's hard to see that, but its so good to know that Jesus cares so much about everything in us, He so desires us to be pure before Him. Hebrews 10:14 For by one sacrifice he (Jesus) has made perfect those who are being made holy.
AHHHH I WANT TO BE HOLY. O to be fully pleasing before God... Colossians 1:10... fully pleasing in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so we may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, WHO HAS QUALIFIED YOU to share in the INHERITANCE of the saints of the Kingdom of Light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
And I could just type out the rest of Colossians.
Hallelujah.
Beloved, I pray that you would just feel the pleasure of God over you. I just pray that the HOLY Spirit (the Spirit of God could have been known by any name, but He wanted to be known as HOLY- side note) would just touch your heart. Rejoice. Be glad. Don't let your hearts be troubled.
I say this as my heart has been troubled, but I rejoice in knowing that my God IS Faithful and True. Greater is He who is in me. Great are His promises and they are YES AND AMEN in Him! 2 Corin 1:20.
I could talk forever....... I love scripture........
Writing this has definitely reminded me of His goodness. Friends,family, beloved ones. Please remember who God is. He is a safe tower. He is the Comforter. Remember who He is. Rejoice in Him, not any circumstances. Even a good circumstance will change. But He is Constant. His word stands forever.
Jesus is taking me to Harrisburg. I know He is. I trust Him.
If you feel like you would like to bless me financially, do it. Because the Lord repays those who lend to the poor. Proverbs 19:17. Or let me work for you! Let me do a job for you! I am a hard worker. I work for the Lord!! But this is what I feel God has led me to do in means of asking for provision. Just trusting Him. I so trust Him. You know, I didn't raise any support in going to Africa. I asked no one for money. And roughly just about 8,000 $ came in for me to go to Africa for 3 months. Who is the Lord? He is good. Seek Him. Seek His Kingdom. All things will be added unto you.
So bless you so much for reading all my words. You are so amazing. God is so in love with You. I love you so much. Rejoice with me in the Lord! again I say rejoice!
YAY.
Sunday, September 1, 2013
JESUS has good plans.
So I pray that the Lord of Glory and His Holy Spirit will speak through me His story and speak to your heart. Just so you will know the testimony of Jesus that has been happening in my life. I pray that the Spirit of Truth will bear witness to you.. amen.
YAY.
YAY GOD.
He is good.
So, I was getting a little nervous about this whole situation... about moving across the country in less than 2 weeks, to somewhere I've never been, live with people I've never met, in a house I've never seen. And I don't have the finances YET to actually do it. But I have faith. I have Hebrews 11:1, a conviction I know this is where the Lord of Everything, the King of Kings, the Holy One of Israel, King Jesus, is beckoning me to come and grow with Him in Spirit and in Truth. So, after spending time in prayer and chatting with a friend. I feel like Jesus is leading me to tell you about what He's doing in me and why I feel He is leading me to Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.
And I know a lot of people will want to know what the heck I'm doing. So, I pray over my words, that they will be the right ones and it won't be too long. I can seriously talk for hours about the wonderful things Jesus is doing in my life. But for your sake, I'll try to keep it to the point.. I'll try. Hehe.
It starts a year ago.
A year ago, I randomly went to a conference with this ministry called Global Celebration and signed up to go on a mission trip to Bulgaria, Greece, and Turkey to minister to some gypsy camps and go to some places the Apostle Paul went to! (being able to go on the trip was amazingly supernatural as well) Before the trip, the ministry announced a new part time internship called the Plunge, and I completely brushed it off because I was a university student and I thought didn't have the time or the money to participate in it. But God thought differently. So on the trip, whenever the internship met, I just happened to be sitting there time and time again. Feeling the Lord was leading me to do the internship now, I put it in His hands, if this was Him, He had to give me the time and money. When I returned and started worrying about the finances for the internship, I literally got a refund check from the ministry that covered the internship. When it came to participating by going to a 2 conferences in a semester, it worked out perfectly to go to two conferences in one week. In this week, I had classes canceled, quizzes rescheduled, tests canceled, and crazy favor from professors. So I understood, this was Jesus.
At one of the conferences, I had an amazing vision from the Lord where it was obvious that I was to be working with Global Celebration some time in my life.
You guys might be wondering about this ministry, Global Celebration.. It is a really wonderful ministry and I could talk for hours about the wonderful work they do. But if you want to know more about it please ! check out their website and find out more. http://www.globalcelebration.com/
So I felt confident about Jesus leading me to be more involved with their ministry. I planned on spending this past summer 2013, going on two of Global Celebration's international trips, but Jesus led me to go to Heidi and Rolland Baker's Harvest School of Missions in Mozambique,Africa. http://www.irisglobal.org/missions/harvest/
And it was AMAZING. More on that later.
The spring semester of 2013, I took off school to rest and for other reasons..... Like... I had failed all my classes the fall semester of 2012 and I was burnt out. I don't know how many of you know about my parent's starting the divorce process the beginning in 2012, but it was hard for me especially since I've been living at home. We had also been going through our home being foreclosed. And when I got back from my mission trip in Europe, we had just received the notice to be out of our house. So that fall, I was going through my parents divorce, losing our home, and finding a new home. As well as that, I was organizing 4 big worship events on my university campus that were very successful. God did so many amazing things... And on top of that I was working and going to school. But school came last and I tried so hard. I tried so hard to do well, and I had been doing well but it was right around the time of the move that it just became overwhelming. The grace to do school was just gone. (another semester I had taken 24 credit hours, worked 20 hours a week, and was in 5 bible studies and got all A's and B's- so I knew that the grace of God for me to do school was possible). But there was no grace for me to finish that semester as I had intended. So I took the spring off school.
And that spring was an amazing time where the Lord taught me how to rest in Him and His provision. Jesus led me to quit my job and not to raise any financial support for going to Africa. And Jesus provided everything I needed supernaturally. He also provided for me to go to 3 Christian conferences in 3 different states and paid my bills. Jesus is good.
One of the conferences was hosted by Global Celebration. I went as a Plunge intern, eager to serve the ministry. While meeting with my internship, the leader announced that he felt the Lord leading him another direction and he wasn't going to be working with the ministry anymore. In my heart I had an overwhelming desire to take over leadership in the internship and work with the ministry. During this conference, the Lord gave me crazy confirmation that this was His desire, not just mine. Jesus literally had the founder of the ministry invite me to sit in the main staff section and one of the conference speakers flipped over his reserved seating sign and wrote Reserved for Esther... Well, I took that as confirmation. And then I talked to the founder of the ministry, Georgian Banov, telling him my desire to work with him and he wrapped his arm around me and told me I was like a daughter to him. So I took that as confirmation as well.
So, the plan I had was to go to Harvest School, finish university, then start working with Global Celebration.
Before leaving for Africa, the Lord gave me so much favor with my university. A professor had noticed how well I had been doing and then how poorly. She reached out to the administration and gave me so much favor and grace to be able to return in good standing. The university totally understood everything I was going through and was ready to accept me back with arms wide open. My professor had made it possible for me to redo and complete coursework to be able to have a passing grade instead of a failing. It was so amazing. And I tried so, so, so, so hard to be able to finish the course work. But the grace of God was not there. I tried. But I could not do it. But I as I went off to Africa, I still planned to return to go back to university.
When I got to Africa, and I had so many people asking what I was doing when I got home, I would say, going back to university but I don't want to. My heart was so hurt by failing, I couldn't go back unless the grace of God was there to finish! It hurt my heart too much not to do well! The desire and longing of my heart was to move to Harrisburg, Pennsylvania to do Global Celebration's new school of ministry. How could I think about leading an internship or working with the ministry and not doing their school?? It wouldn't make sense! The longing of my heart was to be with Global Celebration.
Sitting down with someone to pray with me about some things, I asked her at the end what she thought I should do about school. After telling her the situation she helped me realize how obvious it was. I tried so hard to do school, but the grace wasn't there and the door was shutting. But the grace for ministry was wide open. All of the ministry I did was wildly successful. My heart and my spirit leaped. I just felt Jesus smiling on this!!! So I prayed. I asked the Lord if He would show me if this was His will, and if His will was for me to do Global Celebrations school of ministry. That night I had a dream that I was telling my mom I was moving to Harrisburg and I woke up with supernatural joy knowing that was the confirmation God was giving me. Then I had another dream that I was actually on staff with the ministry! Then Georgian Banov came to speak at my Harvest School and I talked to him and he was soo excited about me coming. So that was even more confirmation.
Getting into the school was amazingly easy as well. I was supposed to fill out an application and pay a fee, but being in Africa it made it very difficult with no regular or stable internet access. But Jesus gave me amazing favor and I was able to be accepted without filling anything out. I was also able to find an apartment really easily through the ministry for a measly $325 a month for everything. It exactly what I wanted.
So now, here I am, back in America waiting on the Lord to follow His will with provision. It has been so supernatural. All of it. And I believe so firmly that it was the Lord whose give me this desire to go to Global Celebration's School of Supernatural Ministry. GCSSM.
So, I don't want to do anything I don't see my Father in heaven showing me to do. He knows my needs and He knows my heart. He knows I desire to please Him with my life.
I feel like I've written enough. And I'm tired.
Love you guys so much. Pray for me. Support me if you want. But pray for me!
I LOVE YOU. JESUS IS IN LOVE WITH YOU!!! And Jesus has an amazing plan and purpose for you. Look to Him, He is BEAUTIFUL. Just like you.
Monday, August 26, 2013
I wonder how this works.
I'm so glad I don't know what I'm doing. I'm so glad I don't have to know. Jesus does.
His plans and purposes are forever. Man's will fail. Psalm 33:10-11
His plans are soo good. Jeremiah 29:11
Holy Spirit is so good. I'm just sitting here. I've been back in the country like 36 hours. I think I'm recovering jet lag.
I just want to worship God with everything I do. I just want my words to be a pleasing aroma to the Lord.
I want my actions to be pleasing. I want to live obedient to the commands of the Lord. John 15 !!!! I like being able to reference scripture but I also just love quoting scripture and trusting you know the reference... But it is good to quote the reference, it is. And I want to be able reference scripture as a pro. I want to be able to quote the entire Bible and having it written deeply on my heart... I want to know it so well that if it is taken away from me, it can't be.
Mmmm I want to know the plans that God has for me in His Word. Like Ephesians 1, I have every spiritual blessing in every heavenly realm in Christ Jesus. John 15, His plan is for me to produce abundant fruit from abiding in His love and having the fullness of joy. Romans 12 to be transformed into the image of Christ.
I want to have the knowledge of God through Jesus Christ so that I may have the grace to abound in every good work, 2 Peter.
This is challenging. Referencing all the scripture. But its so good. So delicious. God's word is so good. If you don't eat it, you die.
Mmm, I'm just going to pray for you..
Holy Spirit, I pray that you would enlighten the eyes of our understanding so that we may see how you are moving in our lives. Holy Spirit I pray that you would give us the revelation of Jesus Christ that we may know Him and love Him more. Oh Jesus, I want to love you more. I want to love you with my life. I want to love you with my words. I want to love you with all that I am. Holy Spirit I pray that you would convict our hearts to walk more in your love! To come to you with everything. To come to you with a paper cut and to come with to you with a giant debt. Holy Spirit thank you for helping us in all things. Thank you for helping us rest in your presence, knowing you are right here. The God of the universe, of all creation, is closer than our breath. We thank you. Thank you. We thank you.
How we love you.
I love you.
See you later, I think. I need to go back to bed.
Love, Es
His plans and purposes are forever. Man's will fail. Psalm 33:10-11
His plans are soo good. Jeremiah 29:11
Holy Spirit is so good. I'm just sitting here. I've been back in the country like 36 hours. I think I'm recovering jet lag.
I just want to worship God with everything I do. I just want my words to be a pleasing aroma to the Lord.
I want my actions to be pleasing. I want to live obedient to the commands of the Lord. John 15 !!!! I like being able to reference scripture but I also just love quoting scripture and trusting you know the reference... But it is good to quote the reference, it is. And I want to be able reference scripture as a pro. I want to be able to quote the entire Bible and having it written deeply on my heart... I want to know it so well that if it is taken away from me, it can't be.
Mmmm I want to know the plans that God has for me in His Word. Like Ephesians 1, I have every spiritual blessing in every heavenly realm in Christ Jesus. John 15, His plan is for me to produce abundant fruit from abiding in His love and having the fullness of joy. Romans 12 to be transformed into the image of Christ.
I want to have the knowledge of God through Jesus Christ so that I may have the grace to abound in every good work, 2 Peter.
This is challenging. Referencing all the scripture. But its so good. So delicious. God's word is so good. If you don't eat it, you die.
Mmm, I'm just going to pray for you..
Holy Spirit, I pray that you would enlighten the eyes of our understanding so that we may see how you are moving in our lives. Holy Spirit I pray that you would give us the revelation of Jesus Christ that we may know Him and love Him more. Oh Jesus, I want to love you more. I want to love you with my life. I want to love you with my words. I want to love you with all that I am. Holy Spirit I pray that you would convict our hearts to walk more in your love! To come to you with everything. To come to you with a paper cut and to come with to you with a giant debt. Holy Spirit thank you for helping us in all things. Thank you for helping us rest in your presence, knowing you are right here. The God of the universe, of all creation, is closer than our breath. We thank you. Thank you. We thank you.
How we love you.
I love you.
See you later, I think. I need to go back to bed.
Love, Es
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)