I'm going to Israel?!?!

It has been a really crazy season.

 I've wanted to blog more but honestly I haven't wanted to share the happenings of my heart. Processes can be painful. Transformation isn't always easy. But it is always worth it. Character comes from fire. And how badly do I desire to be of Godly character. My heart rages to be tested and found worthy but the tests are hard. Because the Prize is great. I want to know Jesus. I want Him to know ME. I want to be His friend more and more every day.

It's hard when I sit down and I don't want to read the Bible. I don't like it when my heart isn't desiring to seek His face. I don't like it when I'm distracted by worldly things. I don't like being distracted from His captivating face.

He is so good to change me. He is so good to help me deny myself and seek Him. I want people to see Him and want Him when they see me.

So, I've wrote how my walk in faith has been a lot about finances. He has been really faithful even when I'm faithless. I've really doubted when I have no reason to doubt. But for over three months... my faith was truly tested. God didn't provide like I thought He would of for over 3 months. I got behind in my rent, my bills, wasn't able to eat often, and was really afraid. I was training for a marathon that I didn't have money to register for or even get to. What was I doing wrong? Was I not following man's wisdom in getting food stamps? or I don't even know. There was so much 'good advice' given to me. But so much I didn't feel God leading me to.

Was I foolish? I don't know. I know that Paul confesses he's a fool for Christ. 1 Corinthians 4:10. I know that I am good company for being thought foolish.

So I was three months behind in rent. My cell phone was turned off. My electric was about to be turned off. And the only miracles I had was for some food money because I was living off of popcorn and rice. This was about the end of October.

So many thoughts go through your head in situations like this. I have people telling me what I ought to do. I have doubts. I have condemnations. I have convictions. I have the Word of God. That He is faithful. That is promises are True. I have my own testimonies. I have Him saying, "I am faithful to the end." At this point I was coming to the end of my marathon training (which I knew was a prophetic act), and I'm wondering if I'm training in vain. But God.

But God.

But God.

But God is bigger than my doubts. God is bigger than my faithlessness. God is bigger than my mistakes. God is my Redeemer. He is my Salvation. He is my Strength. He is Everything. Gosh, I am so not perfect but He is. He is perfect. And His ways are perfect.

In one day God met all my needs. October 27th I'm pretty sure. I woke up to someone coming over to give me $300 for my electric. When I got home from that someone paid for my cell phone to get turned on. And then that afternoon, someone texted me and asked how much I needed. And put $2,000 into my bank account. In one day, God covered all my rent, all my bills, and my needs for my marathon. I'm not training in vain. The tests are for real. This training is for real. I may be Crazy but I am Sane in the Kingdom of God.

I walk by faith and not by sight. It doesn't mean I'm careless with finances or don't work hard. I've gotten a second job at a health food store and have worked 7 days in a row between the two jobs and have 7 more days to work in a row. Maybe even more.

There is so much I don't know. But God has made it so evidently clear I CANNOT lean on my own understanding. But I MUST acknowledge Him in everything so He can make my path straight.

I ran my marathon November 15th in Richmond, Va. And it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I wanted to quit so many times. I wanted to just go home. I wanted to stop. It was super painful. But God. He has trained me to finish well. He has trained me to endure. He has trained me to persevere. He is doing a great work in me and He will finish it. ii

Man, it's hard. Man, my heart has felt pain. And, oh boy, has Jesus come to heal me. Jesus has come to make every wrong thing right. Because wrong things happen. And sometimes it's totally my fault. But His grace is sufficient for me. His mercies are new every morning.

So, now I'm going to Israel in February on a trip with Global Celebration (the ministry I serve here in Harrisburg). Global Celebration does this trip to Israel every February and it has been on my mind for a couple years to go. Thursday, I found out a Bible translator, Brian Simmons, and his wife were attending this next trip... My heart exploded. I know this trip is going to be different. God ALWAYS does amazing amazing amazing things on this trip, but Brian and his wife carry something very special. I listen to Brian's sermons all the time and LOVE his translations of the Bible called The Passion Translation. So when I saw that they were going. My heart exploded. I asked the Lord for a sign of confirmation if I could go on this trip and within 30 minutes God confirmed it. The next day, Friday morning, less than 24 hours of my asking Jesus if I could go, someone called and said they would give $2,000 for my trip. Holy Confirmation.

I can't even begin to tell you. I've been just talking with Jesus, not so much asking, but talking about how I would like to go overseas. But for Jesus to bring me to ISRAEL! With Georgian and Winnie Banov (Global Celebration leaders) and Brian and Candice Simmons. I'm undone. To be so honest. I feel like this year has been so very hard and I've worked so very hard and been through so much pain that for The Lord to do this for me......... I'm just so thankful. I'm just so humbled. I'm so honored. To know that He honors me for honoring Him... I'm so thankful. How do I begin to show my utter reverence for God???? He is GOOD.

So, I humbly ask you to please help me get there. I have to get the rest of the finances for the trip by THURSDAY DECEMBER 11th!!!!!!! I need $1,800 to cover the rest of the trip. I know that this is The Lord. Will you please help me???

Jesus has 5 days to finish this! Will you please be a part of this???? God is so faithful to repay you for your kindness to me!

HERE IS A LINK!!! PUT MY NAME ESTHER SCHEELE UNDER THE PARTICIPANT SPOT

https://globalcelebration.wufoo.com/forms/israel-2015-invoice-40703940/

here is the link again.
https://globalcelebration.wufoo.com/forms/israel-2015-invoice-40703940/

This is a link ABOUT THE TRIP
http://www.globalcelebration.com/Holy-Land-Missions-Tour-2015

HERE IS THE LINK WHERE YOU CAN HELP ME GO
DONATE TO MY TRIP !!
AND ITS TAX DEDUCTIBLE!!!!!!!! i think. And I will write a prophetic word to anyone who donates to my trip!!!!!!!! Seriously.

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Jesus is so amazing. I love you all. Thanks for reading this. Thanks for praying for me. Let me know how I can pray for you! Call me. Text me. Email me. Facebook me. Let's be friends forever.

I quit my job.

Hi Beloved, 

You are great. 

I'm so thankful you're reading this. Or at least beginning to! Hahah. There are LOTS of things I could say... I've been meaning to write sooner but I've had a lot to process. It's been a rough month in my spirit, God has been doing a lot that I don't fully understand but I know that there has been a growth spurt and I'm losing things that don't belong to me. Hallelujah for transformation from glory to glory. I want to be transformed into the image of Christ! Oh how I long for it. 

So I quit my job at Starbucks about two weeks ago. I was just struggling. There are a few reasons that I quit. Part of it was that I didn't want to wake up at 5 am anymore and I especially didn't want to wake up that early with school again! Some other situations were happening that I feel allowed a door to step out. The company that owns my licensed Starbucks is offering to transfer me to another position in the company because they do value me as an employee. They own a nice restaurant called Bricco that I am going to try to begin serving at. You could pray for me for that.  

Meanwhile, since closing the door at Starbucks, a door opened for me to accept a promotion at Dressbarn as part time assistant manager. So if I'm able to begin serving at the restaurant along with being an assistant manager, I'll be in an easier financial position. Hallelujah. I really felt confirmation from Jesus that I made the right choice of leaving Starbucks and being able to accept the promotion at Dressbarn. Dressbarn has been an amazing company to work for. They totally support my ministry and the call God has put on my life. I'm so thankful for the team I work with. So thankful.

It was a really hard choice in closing the door to Starbucks because I have loved working there. I've made amazing relationships and seen God do amazing things. But I feel like it is really a new season. And a season of rest. 

For the past year I've worked the two jobs on average of 45-55 hours a week while going to school. I'm really praying not to have to do that again. It was really hard. And really tiring. God was so good to give me strength, teaching me endurance and growing me in character and patience. 

I feel like I haven't had much of a life with working so much. I haven't been able to do ministry like I want to. If I wanted to hang out with people I had to sacrifice sleep. Coming to the end I wasn't happy. Joy and peace I had and deepness with God but I didn't have pleasure getting up for work like I did before. God is way too good to let us endure suffering if we don't have to. I feel like I have suffered a lot this year and God did a lot through that. I'm truly grateful for what God has been doing in me beyond what I can even see. I cried so much this year. And in this new Hebrew calender year, I'm ready for jubilee. I'm ready for rest. 

I wish I didn't even have to work a second job as a waitress and work only at Dressbarn but I wouldn't make enough money. I've thought about having people come along side me and support me monthly as a missionary but I don't like asking people for money. Part of the reason I have not written more blogs this summer is because I have been in so much financial need and have not wanted my aching heart to come through like I'm begging. Because I'm not a beggar. I'm a child of God and He provides for me. And I believe Him and I've seen Him come through so much. He has given me so many miracles this year and I am so grateful. And I'm still waiting on another one. Haha. 

This past year I have been living in an apartment that is way too expensive for me. But God did it. He provided faithfully every month. I didn't even ask anyone for help. Except once. But the past 2 months He has not provided!! YET. And I don't know why!!! I don't know what He is doing in my heart. But it is so hard and I don't think it should be. I don't think it should be hard to trust God, especially after all He has done for me!!!! Haha What are You doing, Lord???? 

I feel a lot of what God has been trying to bring to the surface of my heart is some issues with my father. My earthly father has a warrant out for his arrest right now which will put him in jail for the 7th time in the past 18 months. God is so much bigger than this. God is so much bigger than the brokenness of my father. God is so much greater and so much more than you or I can imagine. 

My Heavenly Father has been so faithful to me and I have been doubting Him so much. So I am in debt and in desperate need to catch up on my rent....... But why should I fear??? why should I be afraid??? Is God not my provider???? I don't even have to have a job for God to provide. I know that. I don't have to ask for God to provide. HE KNOWS MY NEEDS. 

But God cares about my character than anything else. God wants me to be of Godly character. He cares about my heart. He cares about the position of my heart. He cares that I am a good steward. He cares about my transformation into the image of Jesus Christ. I was made to look like Jesus. I was made to bear Good Fruit. 

And I'm not saying that I haven't born good fruit. I'm saying God is pruning me because He cares about His vine. He is the Vine Dresser and I am the vine. John 15. I LOVE JOHN 15. 

JESUS DO WHAT YOU WILL. JESUS HAVE YOUR WAY WITH ME. JESUS I LOVE YOU.

I just want to go deeper in God. I want to be a better representation of LOVE everyday. If God wants me to work two jobs again and reach the lost that way, may His name be blessed. He will give me strength. He's given me strength to train for a MARATHON! And it's going amazing. I need more. I need more of God. I need Him more. I need Him so much. I love Him so much. I want full revelation on His love and to go deeper in His Word. And this new school year is focused just on that. And I don't even know how I'll do that with working two jobs and training for a marathon. But if God is calling me to it He will take me through it. That's it. He's just that Good. I trust Him. And He will make me trust Him. He will call me out upon the water and I will walk because I will keep my eyes upon HIM!!

I will get to the other side. I will be provided for. I will be given all that I need according to the riches in GLORY in Christ Jesus. 

Because that is who He is. He is RICH and He loves Me. Jesus loves Me. My Father loves me. Even if my earthly father doesn't love me and doesn't provide for me. My God does.  He is worthy of my life. He is worthy of my praise. I will praise Him when the waters rise and I will praise Him because I know I will not drown. Even if I doubt and am faithless HE IS FAITHFUL. HE WILL BE FAITHFUL TO THE END. 

He is mighty to save me. 

And I got a new roommate which is FANTASTIC!!! She even brought a table and chairs. I haven't had a table for this entire year!!! WHOOO!!! I'm so excited. 

Updates

Hey.

It's been a summer since I've written. So, what have I done, what have I been doing?

At this moment, I feel a bit weary but grace to blog.. especially since it's been so long. And it has been a year in one week that I have been living in Harrisburg, PA. Wow. Hahaha! That is CRAZY. All that my God has done in this past year is mind blowing. It takes hours to tell all. Surely God is good to those who love Him. And Oh How I Love Him.

The past four days I've worked over 45 hours. Blah. So with today off, I slept until almost noon then rushed to a Haitian church service of a pastor that I met this week! YAY to be able to practice French in a Holy Spiritual environment! And she ordered me a FRENCH BIBLE!! How kind!! I'm so excited! To read the Bible in French! Oh the beautiful revelations The Lord will be giving me through the beautiful French language! YAY GOD. Earlier this week someone was asking me if I had ever thought about Haiti since I speak French, and I had not. Then later in the week, I have an amazing encounter with a beautiful Haitian pastor of a church within a five minute walk of my house! What! Jesus! He's so cool! I've always wanted to have French speaking Christians to practice the language with! Now I do! I'm going back this Wednesday and Thursday for prayer and worship! IN FRENCH!

This truly has been my life. I work. I work. I work. And in work, I encounter God. Meeting many beautiful people that the Lord desires to encounter and gives me the privilege of being His hands and feet for them. Holy holy holy. Oh the Lord. He is good.

My heart desires for so much more though. My heart desires so greatly to see the Gospel effectively preached here and wherever I go in power and in signs and wonders from the motivation of LOVE.

I did get to go home for a week this July to serve at a Global Celebration conference in Chicago! It was AMAZING! I got to see friends and family as well as amazing worshipers like Kim Walker-Smith, Anthony Skinner, and the band United Pursuit. It was so wonderful, such fun refreshment of my love for conferences! A beautiful conference focused on worship.. Yes. Yes. Yes. Jesus was there. It was powerful.
I also got to visit with my sister who has now left the country to South Korea for the next year to teach English. She recently had an amazing encounter with JESUS and rededicated her life to Christ! So so so so exciting to see prayers answered as her life is transformed by the love of God!

My older sister had an amazing encounter with Jesus when her, my younger sister, and my mom visited me in Harrisburg in June!! So fun!! Jesus was so good to bring them here and show them where I live and all I do here! It was incredible. I'm so thankful God made it happen.

So, I've been working a lot at Starbucks and at the Dressbarn. I recently got promoted to supervisor at Starbucks and have opportunities for promotion at Dressbarn as well. It's such an honor to be recognized for hard work. I'm grateful because promotion comes from the Lord. (But it is God who judges; He brings one down, he exalts another. Psalm 75:7. The Lord is the lifter of my head, Psalm 3:3.)

This last month I started having meetings at my apartment focused on worship. Wanting to have a place where God can encounter His people, have intimate fellowship, and spiritual growth. Praying so much for God to show up and show off in a united pursuit of more of Him.

Another cool thing I've been doing is training for a marathon. When I ask God what He says about this season, He says that He is teaching me endurance. So what better to do as a prophetic act than to learn endurance running. Truly amazing to see the physical strength grow alongside the spiritual. The farthest I've run now is 10 miles. I feel God so much when I run. It's amazing for Him to do so much on a simple run and show me how much His grace can do in a little girl like me. I have never felt so strong and full of energy.

I will hopefully be starting a second year of school with Global Celebration Supernatural School of Ministry as a Year 2 student. My heart is hopeful of what God is going to do with another year of ministry school. God shows up and shows off continually. Always. Always. Always. I'm just waiting on the provision of the finances that I need for God to confirm His will of it. I can't really see myself living in Harrisburg and not doing GCSSM so I believe God will provide above and beyond.

This is a nutshell of some things God is up to in my life. I don't want to overwhelm you. Although, I feel constantly overwhelmed at by what God is with me. I could go on for hours.

But I won't tonight.

Pray for me. I'm in need of some big miracles. Good thing we serve the God who raises the dead. He's in the business of miracles. I can testify. Please pray for my family. My dad has been in and out of jail 6 times in the past 18 months. It has been very hard. My mom is doing exceedingly well and finding God in much power. My younger brother really needs an encounter with God like my older sister had. We all need more Jesus.

The conference in Chicago. 

My sister Jessica and I. 

My family visiting me in Harrisburg!! 

Let me know how I can pray for you! I love you all. You're amazing. God is good.

GRADUATING

TODAY

I graduate this day, Tuesday May 13, 2014, with a certificate from Global Celebration School of Supernatural Ministry. BAM. After 9 months of glorious training and fiery trials of life I have come through. Thank You, Lord Jesus so much.

I am so blessed and honored to have God bring me to a place where His glory is being revealed in such power. Georgian and Winnie Banov carry such a radical message of Grace and the Cross that my life has been truly changed. Knowing that Jesus Christ died for my sins and I was CO crucified on the cross with Him. My life in sin was crucified on the cross with my Lord Christ Jesus!!! Galatians 2:20 I have been co crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives through me! I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live I live by believing God's Son, who loved me and took the punishment for my sins!

I am CO raised with Christ! Colossians 3:1 Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God's right hand. (NLT) You are in fact raised together with Christ!!! Now ponder with persuasion the consequence of your CO inclusion in Him! Relocate yourself mentally! Engage your thoughts with throne room reality! His resurrection CO raised you to the same position of authority where you are now CO seated in the executive authority of God's right hand!!! (Mirror Translation) Come on.

I am now a CO Heir with Christ!! Romans 8:17 And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God's glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering. Since are His offspring, we qualify to be heirs; God Himself is our portion, we CO inherit with Christ! Since we were represented and included in His suffering we equally participate in the glory of His resurrection........... Mirror Translation. 

What does this mean??? What does this mean?? That we are CO crucified, CO risen, and CO heirs??? How then shall we live?? The message that Georgian and Winnie Banov carry is that of Romans 6,7, and 8. That we are dead to sin and alive to God! We are no longer slaves to sin but alive to God! Our desire is no longer of death and destruction but life in God!! Fullness of God! God's goodness has overflowed onto the cross to deliver us from sin and destruction and into the glorious life of being CO heirs with Christ! Seated with Him in heavenly places!!! 

Oh the bliss! Oh the bliss! That our sin has been forgiven and we have been delivered from death into GLORIOUS life! 

OH Happy Day. 

It has been an amazing year. God has so poured out His Holy Spirit in such abundance. I shall never be the same. He is constantly transforming my heart and mind in Christ that I am to totally mirror His Son. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.  Galatians 2:20 in the Distilled Version is.. I now consider myself as having died, and am enjoying a second existence which is simply, Jesus using my body. 

Jesus, use my body! Jesus, let me just be a vessel of your love! Jesus, let me bring the Kingdom of Heaven just as you did! It's all about JESUS. He has brought us into the Kingdom of Glorious LIFE! 

Since I have died, I may now truly live. 

Oh Beloved! You are so loved by God! He wants you to know that riches of His glory in Christ Jesus! How it benefits YOU! Holy Spirit ravish the hearts of those who read this. Let them be overcome by what You have DONE! It is FINISHED. The work of the cross of Jesus Christ is FINISHED! It is a FINISHED WORK. Let us live fully in the finished work of the cross. Let us truly live God.

I could go on and on but I have to get ready for graduation! I bless you in the name of Jesus. I love you with the love of Christ within me.

Surprises !

God loves surprises. He loves to surprise us and keep us on our toes... He hates formulas. He loves being the God of the unexpected kiss. He is the God of the Suddenly's. 

I've learned so recently that I cannot trust in plans but I can only trust in God. 

**In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9**

*Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21**

So I make plans. But God changes them. And then I don't make plans and God plans things that are too wonderful for me to imagine. He has plans and purposes for me that are bigger than any dream that I could ever fathom. So, okay. Alright. 

Right now....I have no plans. I have no idea what is next. 

I didn't get accepted to staff the school in Mozambique like I totally planned on this summer. And I'm not legally able to live in my apartment because I don't legally make enough money to live in it. But God has provided faithfully every month. This past month for April's rent, I decided to give money away because I knew I didn't have enough for rent anyway and I had to trust Him for some, so why not trust Him for more. So on April 7th, I was like "God. It's April 7th, rent was due a week ago." I decided that I was just going to give the rest of my money away towards my school tuition, and I checked my bank account... to find...  someone put a $1,000 in my bank account without my knowledge! COME ON!!!! GOD PROVIDES!! God has made it IMPOSSIBLE for me to doubt Him. When you walk in His purposes He shows up and shows off. And it's usually last minute in a Suddenly. Suddenly, God provided. When all was almost lost, suddenly, the Spirit of The Lord.... 

It can be annoying and tiresome to wait upon The Lord. But it is always glorious. God always shows up in Glory. 

So right now. I wait upon the Lord to show me what are His purposes and His plans for my next season. I need to live somewhere. I don't know if He will provide a roommate for my current apartment, or if I will sign my lease over to someone and live somewhere else. I don't know if I'll continue in Harrisburg, or back in Illinois, or it will be overseas. I have absolutely no idea. 

But my heart, my mind, my flesh, my spirit, my soul, my every cell and fiber in my body KNOW that God is FAITHFUL. 

My birthday is on Monday! April 21! I pray that God will show me His next moves in my life as a present. I'll wait, He always speaks. I don't even know what I would choose. My ultimate choice would be to go back to Mozambique. I can reapply to staff for the October- December school in June. And I'm probably going to. But I'm just waiting. 

All I have is God. Nothing else matters. 

But life is worth nothing unless I use it for doing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus- the work of telling others the Good News about God's mighty kindness and love. Acts 20:24

What will God surprise us with next?

This is a picture I drew which represents how I feel most of the time. 

                   * ******After I wrote this blog I was given a surprise party for my birthday !!!! And was surprised with a favorite band of mine from high school playing a concert right down the street. !!! A surprise party and a surprise concert. God is HILARIOUS!! ********

What's been going on.

So it's been a while since I've posted. I don't like posting unless I feel led by God, also I've been soooooo busy. But its been on my heart to let the world and all the people that I'm so blessed to have care about me know what my life has been. 

I've been working like 50 hours a week for the past couple months. And it's been pretty hard. I work 7-12 at Starbucks and then 2pm-6:30pm at a clothing store called Dressbarn. I was working out at the gym on my break between 12 and 2 but after I did that for a month, I got literal exhaustion and had to stay in bed for 2 days to rest. So, I really felt the Lord tell me to fast exercise because it's something I really enjoy doing but I need to find all my strength in Him not at the gym. 

So I also have class Monday and Tuesday nights from 6:30-10, church Wednesday nights, and small group every other Friday. As well as Sunday morning church where I serve at the coffee bar and also on the video cameras helping film the service. There is also other outreaches and things we do for class on random days. 

It was getting pretty hard for me because since I was working so much, I started skipping class to be able to get to bed earlier. But I felt a lot of conviction about that because I didn't move to Harrisburg to work. I moved here to do school with Global Celebration. So God has been so faithful at helping me get rest and go to school. 

However, work has been an amazing. God is invading both my jobs with His glorious love. Its been such a privilege to love on my coworkers and my customers. I totally believe God to overflow my life with His love. I want everyone I meet to feel His love, peace, joy, and righteousness radiating through me. It's amazing the feedback that my customers and coworkers both give me about just that. God is so good. I'm so grateful to be able to serve Him with my life. 

One of the biggest things that have been going on has been whats next. The Lord had opened a door of opportunity for me with Global Celebration and New York City for the fall.. So when I came to the Lord in prayer asking Him for a dream to confirm these plans... I dreamt I was back in Mozambique staffing the Harvest School I did this past summer. And then almost every other night I was dreaming I was back in Mozambique or I would be talking with Heidi Baker, the principle of the ministry. There has also been lots of prophetic confirmation but I won't share that yet. 

So I've applied to staff the next two schools in Mozambique. I would be there from mid May to beginning of December. But I haven't been accepted or denied yet. I've been in a kind of hard wait. But patience is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. 

I feel strongly that this is the Lord. I've prepared that the lease of my apartment to be signed over to a coworker. The Lord has already given me many dreams about how He would provide. I feel His pleasure in this. My heart weeps to be able to back. I've been getting up early in the morning to seek God about what His will is. Every other moment I'm thinking about being back and what I would bring, what I would do. 

I would be a house mother to a group of students, I would help them, serve them, speak into their lives, direct them about living in Mozambique, encourage their encounters with the Lord. As well as helping with the administration of the school, serving the school to run efficiently and full of the Spirit of God. Totally led by Him. Letting God have His way. 

But I haven't been accepted or denied yet. 

So Jesus knows my heart. He hears my cries. I've been waiting patiently. Even though its been hard. 

I trust God. He's good and gives me the desires of my heart. I know that when I abide in Him and His words in me, I ask what I wish and it shall be given and by this people will know I am His disciple. 

Help

Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

I feel poor in spirit. I feel so hungry for more of Him. So in need. My favorite song recently has been "O how I need you" by All Sons and Daughters. 

"Lord I find you in the seeking,
 Lord I find you in the doubt.
And to know You is to Love you. 
And to know so little else.

I need You.
Oh how I need You.
Oh how I need You.
Oh how I need You." 

I've had this on repeat for the past couple weeks. 

How I desperately I am in need of God. I can't do anything without Him. And I don't want to do anything without Him. When I go to the gym I tell the Lord that I don't even want to exercise unless HE gives me the strength. I don't want to try to do anything in my own energy that I may boast. 

Well, right now I am in need. I am in need for my rent. And I have been calling out to God knowing He provides for all my needs. It's so hard for me because I work so much and to not even have enough for my rent is really humbling. This is my first time living on my own and it's definitely been a huge learning and growing experience. 

I had given finances as I really felt directed by the Lord, leaving me in need of rent, and I believe the Lord to provide all I need. I always cast my cares to Him. He knows my needs. He knows my heart. So in crying out to Him, all I've heard is 'if there is a need among you let it be made known.' 

So if I have done anything wrong with my finances... I repent. I am so grieved if I have been disobedient and not been a good steward. My heart has been so to bless the Lord in all areas of my life, especially financial stewardship. 

But I come humbly before anyone who feels led and ask if anyone would help me. Since taking two weeks off to be home for Christmas, I'm nervous to even be short for next month. But I haven't been able to pay my rent that was due January 1st. I'm so humbled and brought lower. Knowing that I am always in need. I can't do anything on my own. I am so need of God. 

I just would like you to ask God if He would desire you to help me. I trust God to provide always. If He desires me to be living somewhere else, I trust Him. But its amazing how the Lord brought me here so I don't think He wants me to leave. I trust Him. And I've made my requests and my needs known to God so I feel like the Lord has lead me to do this. This is hard for me, I'll admit. God called me to do this earlier but in my pride I didn't want to ask anyone for help. But I can do nothing on my own. God is my strength and my helper and I am apart of His body. 

So if you want. 

https://www.paypal.com/us/webapps/mpp/send-money-online

shootingesther@gmail.com

And you know when you give to the poor you lend to the Lord. Proverbs 19:17

I'm not trying to persuade you. I trust God. I trust Him so much. 

Just please pray for me. I so desire to serve the Lord and honor Him in all areas of my life. I desire to walk worthy of the calling. I desire to walk holy and pure, blameless before Him. I need Him. I need His help. I need Him. And I need you. Because we're one body. We're a family. We're here to build each other up. Let me know how I can pray for you. Let me know if I can help you. 

I love you. Thank you for reading this. I am always in awe that people even read my little words. Praise God. He's way too kind to me. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-ZpcJzGBpE