Joy in Suffering

I've been realizing why James and Paul says take joy in suffering. James 1. Romans 5.

It really does produce perseverance. And endurance. It really does produce character. And God really does pour out hope and His Holy Spirit. Abundantly. I've been having so much joy. So much crazy supernatural Holy Spirit joy.

Today I'm a little sad though.

I think its okay to be sad. God get sad over things. He mourns. His heart hurts over things.

When we suffer, we feel the nearness of Jesus so incredibly. He shows up so beautiful without fail. He never fails to provide for me. It's truly amazing. His presence has been so thick in the midst of the trials and tribulations of the past month that when things get to feel normal, I do almost wish for another just so I can feel the closeness of His presence knowing He's about to perform another miracle in my life.

So many freaking miracles. Someone posted as status on my facebook saying they were encouraged by my faith and to keep walking on water til its the only surface I know how to walk on. AH. Blah blah blah. I don't know if she even knows how deep that statement is to me. Because I know that's the life God is calling me to live. Walking on water.

I've been walking on water now for 3 months and the water just keeps getting deeper. I call out for normalcy and God is making this it.

As long as Jesus keeps showing up. And He always does.....

Gosh my heart is so heavy today. I'm so sad today. It's okay to be sad. I couldn't even go to the gym today, I just wanted lay in bed. AND THATS OKAY. Jesus meets me wherever I go. Whatever I do. He meets me. He says come to me and I will give you rest.

Today, I feel like drowning in His love. Today, I just want to sink into the ocean of His grace. Today. I'm going to be weak because in my weakness He is strong.

And now I've just gotten a call in reference to my student loans. Which is great. Because I didn't finish college. And I don't know when or if I will! HA Jesus. Thanks. If anyone would like to pay my student loans let me know.

Thank You Lord that it's okay to feel the full spectrum of emotions. Thank You Lord that its okay to be weak. I love being weak. Thank You Lord for being EVERYTHING that I need. I need you so desperately God. I am so poor in spirit. I need you so badly. I am so desperate for you. My heart and flesh cry out for you God. Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere. I am so in love with you God. I am so in love with you.

Jesus, bless the readers of these words. Let them feel Your presence. Let them feel your affection for them. I am so thankful for these people who read my words. Thank You Lord.

Amen. lalalala.